Christmas

I only managed to finish 3 Christmas cards! So you-who've-got-the-card, better feel privileged, k =) I think the abysmal productivity is partly to do with my long-windedness, and much to do with my awful habit for procrastination...

Brother: *flicks open a Christmas card and stares* Wah! You're writing essay issit?

Dad: Oh, are these for next year's Christmas?

But hey, it doesn't mean I love anyone else less okay! I still heart you all very much indeed. Am feeling a tad guilty now, but the fact that I've got to meet up and spend time with some important people before Christmas kinda alleviates that guilt a little =)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, my dear friends =)

Met up with my SC girls and am feeling very 幸福! They never fail to remind me of the sweetest things in life... which, incidentally, includes them as well. I heart them all! Meeting next Friday, yes? :)

Skirmish prac and gig in the morning, which went fairly well, I guess :) Lunch at Miss Clarity with the Reso folks, and then shopping and coffee with Su and Cherie, which proved to be a really enjoyable session. You'll never run outta intriguing conversation topics with Su around, and Cherie's got an uncanny ability to say hilarious stuff in the most deadpan manner :P

Time to knock out, will write again!

(Speaking of which, I'm behind in my Christmas cards writing, argh. Help.)

Conversation with the Rain Child

"What are you doing, little rain-child?"
"Scattering raindrops. Look, it's a misty light shower down on earth now."
"Ay, child. The farmer must be delighted."
"Alas, no. Look."
"Indeed! Why is he frowning so, why does his family look so miserable? "
"Because he believes the drizzle to be a thunderstorm, and tells them that it will destroy his crops, for they are too weak to withstand the shower."
"Too weak! But have they not ploughed the plantation and made the soil loose and moist, and do all they could to make the crops grow?"
"That is what I mean. The crops will survive, for they are a product of hard work, and the rain will let them grow strong and healthy. Yet the farmer sees them small and yellowed, and cries for the sun, for his cousin on the sunny offshore island have green, leafy plantations bigger and stronger than his is now."
"His cousin has had that plantation for years, longer than he..."
"I begged the sun child to send his rays upon the farmer's crops, too, for I cannot bear to see them sad, but the sun child says no, he cannot."
"Indeed he cannot, my child, and you know why. The crops must learn to withstand the occasional rains to emerge stronger than ever, and to grow. Should the farmer have sun all day, his crops will never be as hardy..."
"The sun child says, give him a year or more, for if he were to give the young farmer all the sun he could have now, everytime he expects it, his family will cease to work hard... but I can't help feeling sad, still."
"Why, child?"
"He has no faith in the work he had put in, that his family has put in, how the rain has moistened the soil, how their ploughing and fertilising had made the soil rich, and all it takes is just consistent work to make them grow well... He does not see that with each year, the volume of his harvest grows, but laments the weaker crops that wither in the process, the waste, and blames his family and himself for the negligence that brings about the wasted percentage..."
"Yet it is not possible, a full harvest. There will be some crops who will never make it..."
"Alas, how true..."
"Have faith in them, little one. The next harvest will be a better one."
"I do have faith in them. Always have. I can only wish that they could have a little more faith in themselves, too."

© CharmY 2006

It's really comforting to have a da jie jie around to listen, and I'm really grateful for that :)

Furious

I feel an incredibly urge to slap someone upside down.

I contemplated stoning and throttling before, and that was only when I've gotten part of the explanation. Now, reading a dear friend's blog, I feel so incredibly incensed, I could... I could... I could...

Argh.

Never mind if you don't know what I'm talking about. Don't even ask me about it, just in case you might unknowingly be the aforementioned, and I'm still in the mood for saying things that are not at all pleasant to your sensitive ears.

And because I do actually take people's feelings into consideration, this entry will not continue. I will find my catharsis somewhere else.

Huh. I can't believe my timetable. If I were to pick Language, Gender and Text over Narrative Structures, I will effectively have one exam only-- on the absolute last exam date of the term.

That means people will have finished 5 exams, and I wouldn't even have taken my first paper. Gah. Or maybe I'll spend my reading week studying only for some irrelevant science module that I'll s/u.

3 non-examinable modules leh! That adds up to how many essays again? =(

This is terrifying. I should just apply for my level 5000 module.

And I want someone to take History of Film with me, but I haven't got anyone who's keen yet. Huh, I don't want another film module alone.

Well, at least next sem's modules look way more interesting than this sem's.

Post-Exams

Exams are over!

Yes, so I was staring at my one-page question paper in utter horror today, even though I started studying for this paper a full week or more in advance. For a fleeting moment, after my eyes had flicked through the four questions, I was sorely tempted to raise my hand: "Excuse me? Can I check if I've got the right paper? The questions look wrong."

But there, the author names were in there, and so were the texts, albeit all on alternative topics that require reconceptualising whatever we've studied to answer the question. I could've guessed, really, from the exposure module exam paper I took ages ago in year one sem one, which asked about the presentation of the theme of friendship when we didn't at any point touch on friendship for the module, just like how today's paper asked about the technical observations of grief when my mind was chockful of nationalism, the Imagination, the Sublime, slavery, Religion, Print culture, Science, the functions of satire, Social Love, the degeneration of the English Empire... and so on and so forth. But Dr G is quirky this way. Had it been other less philosophical module I may have survived, but philosophy compounded with verbose thousand-line poetry just stumps me. Alas, alas.

But that is that. Charlene told me, quite cheerfully, after my hullabaloo over the phone, that "well, maybe the whole cohort will just get a D" -- which isn't the most comforting post-exam thing to say-- but then again--

This marks the end of exams for this semester! All sorts of stuff to do in the pipelines-- we don't have that much time to complain, do we?

So here goes the holiday list:

7 Dec: KTV with the Reso folks, meeting
8-9 Dec: Post-examinations damage control--tidying up the study table; work out timetable for next sem; module preference exercise; pack for Chlamp
10-12 Dec: Chlamp
13 Dec: Unpack; Prac; meet The Girls; borrow storybooks/starter-research material
14 Dec: Prac + Carolling Gig
15 Dec: Pack for trip
16-19 Dec: Genting/ KL trip; read children's lit on journey there
20 Dec: Unpack; Breather
21 Dec: Settle necessary documents, school book lists, etc with parents for brother @ new school; pick up PSLE cert @ old school
22-23 Dec: Readings; Meet SC girls for Ms Ong's choir concert
24-27 Dec: Pracs for 28th gig; research and amass material for ISM
28 Dec: Carolling Gig
29 Dec-3 Jan: More readings; research and conceptualise possible topics
4 Jan: Meet Dr A for ISM-- state proposal
5-14 Jan: Refine topic and proposal; start buying next sem's books to read (!); pack wardrobe
15 Jan: School reopens

Crap lar, it looks way packed. And the semester's just ended!

Maybe if I decide on my texts faster I needn't do so much reading. It looks abysmal, the time blocked out for research. I shall kop off a day or two to shop with my mum.

Yikes it's 3:15am. Will be back again, methinks-- and if anyone wants to meet up this hols... uh... maybe after Christmas? =x

*weeps* I want to watch The Golden Compass and Lust Caution!

Speaking of which-- Enchanted is way lovely. Anyone who loves romance stories and Disney musicals, or appreciates a quirky, witty bit of spoof should go catch it. It's priceless. Even my mum is asking me if I want to watch it again =P

Oh yes--do me a favour if you can--drop a note and let me know your favourite children's book or children's author, or any kid book that you'll want to recommend to a friend. Thanks loads folks! =)

Was going through my 95 facebook photos and felt so incredibly nostalgic and infinitely blessed with such wonderful, wonderful friends.

I love you all! *hugs*

I really shouldn't be online-- I need to study, but I figured I'd better write to Dr A first, as according to the instructions on the letter. Which got me to explore the E Lit website, and be amused at the new pictures of lecturers =D And then I began to browse next semester's modules.

If Metafictions was not situated in the evil 9am-12pm slot (on a Monday morning! Hello?) I wouldn't have second thoughts about taking it, at all =( But looking at my unintelligible, unreadable squiggles on my lecture notes for both my 9am classes this semester... =(

The department is evil *sob* Even the two cross-listed EL modules that I wanna take are 9am seminars! And all their exams end really late *stomps about in utter annoyance* Like when everyone finishes exam, you haven't start your first paper yet. Gah.

I have this crazy urge to take a level 5000 masters level module again. Someone please tell me to 不要做傻事。

But I must say I'm really glad my exams start late this semester-- wouldn't have made it alive otherwise, given that my last deadline was just yesterday morning. Need time to mug one lor.

Speaking of which, must sign off now. 1am! And I'm two texts behind schedule!

Take care you all, and stop procrastinating! Hurry get back to your books (after you leave a note, that is =D)

Quick breather

I'm DONE. *beams* Now I can start studying like for the first time this semester. My first essay-free week--almost.

As if to remind me that this isn't quite over yet, last night I saw a letter from the Dept of E.Lang and Lit. And because I don't often get letters I opened it with some enthusiasm (yes, even in my mid-essay stupor) and was informed of a successful application for my independent study module, and instructed to contact my supervisor ASAP.

The first thing that came to mind was "Huh?" with the question mark, and then "Huh." with the full stop, and then "Huh!" with the exclamation mark. You must understand that the rest of my vocabulary had to be reserved for my ongoing essay then, so that was about as articulate I can get.

But now that I'm free--temporarily, of course-- it's both quite exciting and unnerving at the same time, this official confirmation letter for the ISM. I got my Children's Lit! And Dr A! =D But I really have no idea what to say to her now, really...

"Dear Dr A... Guess what? I haven't really decided what texts I want to do yet. Please don't kill me. I haven't talked my brother out of burning essay questions for me yet."

So yeah. More news on that another time, after I've summoned enough courage to speak to Dr A.

The other exciting thing that happened this week was the release of PSLE results. This year we have an astounding 294-pointer topping the level, and 15 pupils with aggregate scores between 286-288. Because there are so many of them this year, ST decided they were no big deal really, so we don't get our usual interviews with top student #2 and #3. So sad, hor, to score like 286 and people say "aiyah, 15 other people did as well as or better than you, what."

I guess that's why minimum entry scores for mid-range secondary schools have been rising, like everything else in Singapore-- bus fares, GST, property prices-- and neighbourhood schools have invariably become brand names, reaching new highs with sparkling new value-added aggregate scores.

Very scary. Spent one-and-a-half days of my non-study break carrying out research, interviews and lengthy discussions on which school to pick for my brother. It is during periods like these that you realise that kind of extensive network of friends/relatives/unknown sources your mum has. Even more powerful than my own network of schooling friends =X

I still feel a tad blah about skipping open-house talks to do essay--it's really quite fun to explore schools, you don't usually get to do that-- but my parents did manage to attend a couple and everything's decided as of now: brother is quite content, dad is approving, and mummy is convinced enough to sleep easy, so that's that.

So. On to the exams, and then to hols! (and ism proposal)

Writing essays can draw blood.

Writer's block now. I look at the essays-- I wrote TWO versions of a thousand words each--and think, huh, now what?

I still have 8 more pages to go. Been doing this for days. Hours and hours before the computer, for days.

I really really need to study. I haven't studied for the whole bloody sem because I was writing essay after essay after essay, and even up till my study break, even up till now... I'm not free of essaying.

My notes look so unfamiliar, so unfamiliar, I won't know where to start when essaying ends. Essay doesn't even look like it's ending. It's wringing brain juice and tears and it's still not done. What else do you need to wring from me, blood? The sheer agony. I feel capable of gnawing through a cable with this sheer nervous energy. Or yowl at the top of my voice, with all the passion of a deranged person.

I feel this wild distant sense of fear of all these files atop my table, unarranged, untouched throughout the semester.

I want to say, why don't you just kill me already, but then the little brother says if I die he'll burn essay questions for me to do anyway, so I've scraped that alternative. The horror.

Head's killing me. Need to conk out, and write again ere morning comes.

*cries*

I want to study now, now, now.

Not churn out a 12-paged term paper due during the exam period.

It's gonna be midweek and the anxiety is driving me mad.

Random pet peeve surfaced in the midst of writing, so I thought I would blog it anyhow. I refer to no specific incident, because this has nagged at me for years, because this would keep happening, darnit. And if you think this applies to you then it does, so take it anyway you want it.

I am sure God made people to be worthy creatures-- people who are great friends with character and talent and warmth and other finer little details that makes everyone so very unique... and thus infinitely lovable and of value to every friend of his.

I don't understand why people, self-centred creatures that we are, ironically become blind to the best qualities in ourselves, and subsequently condition ourselves to believe that we are less, and poorer, and worse than we truly are.

And hence become deeply miserable.

Strange, that we should be the ones causing our own downfall. Is it so hard to love yourself a little more?

Post-essay random frivolity

You know that one glorious thing about non-stop essay deadlines?

I looked genuinely slimmer in my JC graduation dinner dress than I ever had in the few years in between... And those irresistibly pretty spag-strap dresses in boutique shops can be worn without particularly drastic rude awakenings from the initially-imagined result. *squeals* All hail the new phenomenon!

Methinks the double-essay for the week was the clincher, and do not know if this state would last till the next major dinner/wedding/concert event.

Ah well. Cheap thrill, for the time being.

I heart my new classic-European-style black-and-white dress =)

Signs that schoolwork is beginning to threaten sanity

Saturday, 3am:

Charm: *WAILS* IT'S GONNA BE MONDAY ALREADY! HOW!







Saturday, 3:10am:

Essay question: The pursuit of happiness, as a facet of the Enlightenment, was ultimately frustrated by the turbulent and often contradictory human desires it sought to mobilise. Discuss.

Definitely. Personally speaking, my pursuit of happiness is frustrated by the turbulent and often contradictory desires that the essay question excites in me.

Such desires include the impulse to run away screaming, bursting into tears on the spot, and bemoaning, at the top of my voice, the lack of Enlightenment that secondary readings offer.

One

In times of multiple deadlines, recite mantra: I'm not stressed I'm not stressed I'm not stressed.

Repeat until you get used to the idea.

Two

Now the Question For The Near Future revolves around whether or not I should submit that ISM topics form on Monday. Should I do an independent study module? Or should I just take modules? Next sem's modules are really not all that bad, actually. I could take two English and two Lit modules, then maybe I won't die from doing essays. I shall go bug Suhui and Sumi and see if they want to take 4000s =D

HOW? To do or not to do ISM?

Three

As a random, wholly unrelated side note, I think both Jia En and I are uber excited about next year's VOIII (already!), judging from the email we've been spamming the comm with over the last three days. (Probably an honours year syndrome. It's the only thing that I don't feel guilty working on in the midst of other deadlines.) Yay I heart my comm, K-box junkies, carnivores and herbivores, "let's go!" squealers and all =)

I just remembered I haven't illustrated the amount of work I have. Of course, work is intangible: aside from the word count (for which I believed I have hit nearly 12,000 in the form of 7 essays and 2 [short] proposals), presentations not included-- there is still the awfully time-consuming thinking and wording process.

And the reading, of course.



Okay, okay, before your eyes pop: only 12 of these books are officially my primary texts (plus 12 films, short stories, plays, poetry and two course packs) so it's SHEN JING BING LAR not as horrifying as it looks, really. The rest are just library books--which I still have to read, anyhow, in the name of diligent research.

I concluded that I should not be too hard on myself if I don't manage to finish my readings in time for class. It's difficult not to feel bad, though--I don't know how my brilliant classmates manage to finish their novels and the readings on time, and manage to stay awake and deliver comments --insightful or otherwise-- during class. Astounding. Perhaps their minds move instantaneously onto planning the next essay the second they complete an assignment.

Presently, all I can think of, after uploading my research workshop proposal presentation at 2am in the morning, is what breakfast I would like to have tomorrow.

Coffee Bean serves fantastic breakfast, by the way. Toast, and eggs, and cheese oozing all over your ham and sausages. I love! =D

It's very no life, beaming over the thought of breakfast in the wee hours of the morning, but it is 3am now and the usual people are not online for me to squeal at. Except maybe Siyi, whom I spot online even at 5am(!) on days when I'm rushing essay =P

Oh, and random fact of the day: the male actor in Japanese film comedy Welcome Back Mr McDonald is uber shuai. *beams* Problem is, I cannot remember his name because it's in Japanese-- will need to repeat it to myself a number of times before it sinks in. Alarming really, considering how many names I need to memorise-- two weeks ago I was clutching at straws in class because I cannot remember the female protagonist's name-- Tsuruko? Yasuko? Yukiko? Sachiko? Michiko? Sumiko? Taeko?

Turns out she was called Noriko. I think I should watch more Japanese films. Too pampered in Dr W's ang moh film classes, where single-syllable John and Smith and Ann and Jane would do.

Okay, I should stop writing-- I'm beginning to sound increasingly stupid. (It's compensation for heavy complex thinking prior to this, okay.)

Till the next post-essay entry, then! =)

Friday Night

I'm starving. At 2:45am in the morning =( Must conk out now, really. I spend more time before the computer than with anyone else in my family. And horror of horrors, I had endless nightmares before I woke up at 3 last night and yielded to panadol pills so that I could sleep without feeling like my head's splitting into two.

But God is good. I'm still alive =)

I'm supposed to blog about Friday night dinner with the comm at New York New York and KTV! I can't detail everything in pretty narrative form now, because I need to conk out in 10 minutes, so we'll just stick with the random little excerpts:

On needing to clean ears, or minds...

JE: ... but I need to fulfill my bond first.
WL: What? You need to fulfill your porn?

SH: How? Should it be salmon steak or chicken and prawn?
ET: Chicken and porn?

On kinky descriptions...

CY: *solemnly* Steak sounds exotic, but chicken and prawns are more... exciting.

On unabashed confessions:

WL: *removes knotted cherry stalk from mouth* Eh, it's a known fact, I'm a good kisser.

*clears throat* I think we shall not go into what was said about the margaritas.

Oh, and the fried mushrooms were way good. Always order fried mushrooms at (New York) square.

Highlight of the night has gotta be KTV, which was an utterly on-the-spot spontaneous decision. I've never sung KTV with Reso folks before, in my last three years. Horror of horrors. Anyhow Friday night KTV was uber fun! =D We established that we can wipe out the entire female population with Wai Lun on Eason Chan songs, ET on canto pop, JE on his high tenor solos (effortless, can!), and Jeremy on Tao Ze. Charm Loh's super zai on a*mei songs, Sumi on sweet solos (I must confess, she also reads Chinese better than me), and Su Hui on... anything(!) from sultry to angsty to Taiwanese-styled cuteness. Plus Su and JE are fantastic on shan1 hu2 hai3 lor. 卧虎藏龙 indeed. Oh, and I got to do my ancient Chinese songs. It's been ages since I ever sung them =)

Classics of the night include ET doing a constipated a*do number, Jeremy singing an a*mei song in a*mei range, Jia En and ET doing One Night in Beijing (!) and female descant for 不得不爱 (very distracting lar, can =P), Jeremy doing vocal gymnastics for every song ending and instrumental break, and the guys in general on 宝贝对不起, which got us all quite happy and high.

Immensely crazy... and hence immensely lovable bunch of people =)

No time write blog. Jialat. Maybe next week okay.

But thanks, my dear comm, for last Friday =) Love you all! *hugs*

Oh my. How good it'll be to study Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising Sequence for a semester! Or Madeleine L'Engle's Time Quartet. Or Diana Wynne Jone's Chrestomanci series. Or Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials.

7 books, 4 books, 5 books, 3 books. 7 or 5-book sets could make up a 12,000 word HT, I daresay. And the 4- or 3-book series could make a 5,000 word ISM. Only snag is that I'll need to read them all--and most I haven't touched since secondary school. How to polish 4 books in a week and conceptualise stuff, on top of all the readings?

Kid's lit is no mean feat k. Maybe I'll do Enid Blyton, ohoho. 6 mystery books, or 5 adventure stories? Alternatively there's Oscar Wilde, and maybe 8 short, witty, depressing stories.

I don't know why the draw of children's lit, when I haven't officially been trained in that before. It's just the draw of... something we've lost, I suppose. As a kid I used to read these stories and be so glad there was an adult writer who remembered what a child wants in her world, and I kept telling myself I'll remember, too, what's it like to be a child, how it felt, that faith, that easy internalising of fiction, where complexities are simplified in crystal clarity, because we are aware of our ignorance (and the fact hasn't even begun to bother us, yet) and trusted in infinite possibilities.

And for a single, heart-stopping moment, I realised that maybe I have forgotten, somewhere along the way. Would I be able to write, not just about children, but for children, now? Prissy academic training aside, pretty fluffy decorative words aside-- could I still construct a world for the kids today?

*pause* Then again, kids today are rather scary. Nothing like what I read or what I used to recognise. But then again, the twenty-first century is scary. Darnit, I'm so early-nineteenth-century, obliging and docile, almost. What am I doing here? I should be strolling around manors, having high tea and scones, reading and writing, playing bridge daily with my lady companions, and learning to play the piano and sing. Other than the fact that my natural clumsiness might destroy a couple of fragile artifacts around the home, I should do fairly well in that era, methinks.

Okay, -bump bump- reality beckons. Before I went into the pointless digression, I was gonna say, I'm almost excited with the notion of kid's-lit, if not for the terror of deadlines looming ahead. Maybe I should start on another essay first.

Would tear hair, except that I don't have that much hair to spare, and hot as the weather is, I don't want to risk going bald. As if the brain is not already fried internally--if I expose it to additional external elements it'll explode, or something.

Speaking of which, my mummy pointed out quite severely that there's no point getting an A/B/C graded essay if the brain degenerates into a D/E/F grade, as exhibited by my increased spurts of hysteria and drama before each paper is completed. Gah.

Okay, rest time! Write again.

Mum: *stares at me downing two migraine pills* And how many more of those do you have left?
Charm: *counts* Er. Six.
Mum: *without missing a beat* You should go down to see Dr Cheong again then, to top up your supply. With five more essays you'll need to standby at least ten.

She did say that with a lot of wryness, having been so exasperated with me dying over my essays ("Look, why don't you take four-and-the-half years to finish your course?") but I did feel a tad bit insecure over the essay-pills ratio. I shan't even ask for anything extra, anymore... I just want to maintain the CAP as it is. And stay alive. And not get sunk into depression just by looking at my organiser.

Should I do an honours thesis? Independent study module? Or just take modules?

Much as I would love to do research on fairytales, or children's fiction, or sci-fi and fantasy(!), or films, or Oscar Wilde... There's still everything else to take into account.

Like, no more 11-essay term. Someone please recommend a purely MCQ science module.

Some part of me is almost tempted to do children's science fiction. But I need material. I need a research question. I need an approach. All before Nov 12.

I need time. *gulps*

Finished the essay! =D

Was dying and in tears over essay number 6 (oh look, they've all become arbitrary numbers already), thinking that after this one there's gonna be 5 more (longer!) essays till the end of term. Am surprised I even finished before daybreak. Thank God for family and friends and inspiration and half-hour naps and sweet SMSes and migraine pills. And thank God for God. You can't belief the pain of not being able to write for consecutive hours, consecutive days, so that the last word before you go to bed and the first word you awaken to is aphasia, aphasia, aphasia.

And then the crazy calming relief that washes over you when you find that you're sounding coherent again, that words and verses aren't just random, arbitrary, unrelated shapes, but things that actually can be linked together to make sense.

One hour nap, then back to school. And then maybe get my mummy out to relax and make up for my delirium and hysteria over ever deadline thus far. It's amazing how much nonsense she puts up from me.

Shall give myself a post-essay ice cream treat tomorrow!

I feel an insane, insane urge to scream.

Word count: ? /1800

The Facebook Skit

The following's done by Hindi a cappella group Penn Masala, from the University of Pennsylvania. I'm dedicating this especially to KK and Charlene and Suhui and Edlina, each one of you for rather different reasons that... *clears throat* I shall not disclose. *sweet smile*

Enjoy!



"Would you poke, if I sent you a poke...?"

What started out with the decision to lock myself up and catch up conscientiously with schoolwork and better planning for upcoming deadlines kinda melted gradually through the hols.

Not that I regretted them at all =)

Met Charlene and Kaykey last Wednesday for a hilarious specs-making session =) Thursday was a career talk session and dinner out with mum, Friday was committee meeting, which was estimated to last a couple of hours or so, but we talked from 11am till almost 6pm =P ET and Wai Lun left about 2-ish, though, leaving us four girls and Jia En having a field day discussing possible Vocal Obsession III themes, and getting terribly high, so that at one point we were going--

Charm: OH! Boxes have FOUR SIDES!
Girls: *simultaneous, high-pitch squeals of delight*

Eheheh. Jia En has a commendable tolerance level, I must say. But the girls were uber infectious lar, it's difficult not to get high =P

Caught up with Gill at night (I haven't spoken to her for so long!) and it feels really good to just ramble on and on on the phone about random stuff-- the last time we did this was like half a year ago =S

Then later in the night, talked to Charm over MSN for another 4 hours. Newfound friend! =)

Was out again on Sunday afternoon for presentation discussion with Amanda and Debbie, who are really uber hilarious =P And then Sunday night was with Huiping and Marcus for his birthday dinner. Marcus pointed out something really worth thinking about-- he was saying that we've got to catch up with our friends from our school days every once in a while, especially later on in our lives... because ultimately, these are the people who'll remind you who you were before, and who you are now.

How true, indeed =)

More of Reso last night for prac, and this afternoon with Jiayan and Suhui, then at night again with Charm and Su, in which-- hmmm, never mind =) Let's just say that I'm am ever so glad you girls are around-- and you'll understand exactly why =D

Must conk out in a minute! Haphazard entry, this, but more when I find time k!

Is it sunset already?
........................
But at least you still have the promise of tomorrow's sunrise.

Turn of the year

I just got a birthday card in the mail-- from my insurance agent. And though I'm a person who love birthday cards immensely, this templated, printed paper with a company sticker from a person that I do not know makes me squirm... it takes all the personal touch out of it. Plus the date is wrong too-- I wonder if the company sends stacks of birthday cards out at the beginning of each month, as a perfunctory kinda gesture.

That said, goodness, it's that time of the year again, and no, I don't have a wishlist, still. All I want now at this moment, very much, is time. Time out from school work, and time for my folks, and my friends, for everyone whom I've said "let's meet, ok?" but never got round to doing so. And time for everyone else who is so very busy, whom I have yet to ask-- "hey, are you doing okay so far?"

Alternatively, I love birthday cards with long personal messages. No, no toys, no ornaments, no anything. Handwritten messages will do. Cards and autograph books and diaries give me the sense of borrowed time, time that can be re-lived in the future-- you read and you remember, little fragments of memories from people who've been part of your life, and who make up part of who you are.

So yeah, that's my only item on the wishlist so far-- in your own time, please, I know how bogged with work everyone is, now-- and writing additional stuff is probably the last thing you want to do, haha. Otherwise a birthday hug will do.

3 weeks...!

Mid-Autumn Festival

I celebrate mid-autumn festival the usual way-- mooncakes, lanterns... but perhaps it is just out of habit that I do so. This year we commemorated it a little earlier, on Sunday night, but perhaps only because my brother badgered me to come out into the garden to light the lanterns with him.



It wasn't hard to understand his enthusiasm... I had spent every mid-autumn festival in my childhood looking forward to the same familiar routine, come rain or moonshine: once we've retrieved that big red candle from the drawer beneath the praying altar, our game commences: lighting fire sparklers, lighting candles, lighting lanterns.


In a couple of previous years we would stick candles to styrofoam boxes, and float it across the pond, watching the flickering candle flames light up sections of the water... in the night there would be utter silence, save for the running patter of the water, and watching the styrofoam boat, alone, carrying the lighted candles, rocking gently above the ripples, offers a moment of absolute serenity that till now I do occasionally yearn for.

It's a lot of nostalgia, the season. When both my brother and I were much younger, I'd play with my youngest aunt (strictly speaking, but then she was only a year older than I was), or my cousins... later on it would be my grandpa--who's no longer around, now, then occasionally my dad, and then of course my mum, who'd do all the lantern-lighting in the most systematic way possible. Parents were occupied this time, so this year was just the two of us.



Okay that was quite poser. My brother kept irritating me ("Eh! Can already or not? Aiyah I take already hor." "Can already? Wei faster leh I want to go and light the other candles!") and I couldn't take my ideal in-action shot. Nor even look vaguely contemplative. Hrmph.

Anyhow. I think we didn't do too badly, though:



Pretty. Flickering flames are quite fascinating to watch on their own, but sheltered within a pretty traditional translucent paper cover and strung properly in a row, and they become endearingly pretty. =)


中秋节快乐, everyone!

Completed third essay of the week at 12 noon.

And Nicole is a Godsend lar, popping up on MSN at 2am in the morning ("taught you so much still don't know how to write ah?") and trouble-shooting with only my 200-word thesis, throwing out terms and possible theories to use from the top of her head. Which really did wonders for lifting that incredibly writers' block that I've been struggling so hard with the entire day.

So, so, so, so relieved and grateful. Last night was such a nightmare--in desperate tears over a word count that cannot increase. Thank God for divine intervention. Really.

*big sigh* Liberation for now, at long last. What a week it'd been.

Dying, but not quite

Dr R extended the deadline to Friday!

That means maybe around 8 hours more for Asia Mods essay =)

That means maybe tonight I can sleep at 3am instead of 6am.

That means I won't be officially liberated until Friday.

But. To quote Jia Yan, "It just means you gotta sleep more so you can write a much better paper in the same amount of time! :)"

Heh... much needed optimism... Thanks dear! :)


So yeah, taking time off to blog now, just for a couple of minutes. (My mum just came in to pop a quarter of a custard mooncake in my mouth. It's so good!).

Okay out of point. I'm beginning to feel a tad more human now, although my butt's still aching from sitting for hours and hours before the computer, doing one essay after another. Was totally zombified on Tuesday. Slept from 7 plus to almost noon, then dragged myself off to school (slipping and bruising my knee on the floor on my way out, pui. And that was in front of my mum and my grandma, can. So from henceforth I'm gonna get new variations of reproaches for staying up late, eg "WHY are you not sleeping yet? You don't sleep enough later tomorrow you'll fall down all over the place again!" Which is not entirely true. I hope.)

Was passing from building to building in arts fac feeling like I was walking through water. It's one of those glorious days when you suddenly understand what scientists mean by air resistance, in your valiant attempt to force your way through resisting air particles all around you. The entire world felt surreal lar can, like my ears are blocked and I'm in this glass bubble. Was hoping so hard I won't be asked to talk about my proposed film essay topic during tutorial... I was so not in the right brain configuration to discuss another essay. Even O Holy Night at prac that night felt like it was strangely flat... energy consuming just to sing louder, and it's supposed to be one of my absolute favourite carols =( Grah.

Lousy 4 hour sleep cycles.

Okay back to the last essay before term break!

Random early-morning ramble

6:36AM

3 down, and one more to go! Not re-reading already, uber sian. Even if I conk out till 11am tomorrow I'll only have 4 hours of sleep. 4 hours! =(

Was in the shower when a random thought occurred to me. You remember all those personality tests on emode and facebook and livejournal?

I haven't done one for ages, but since I've so little time to spare, I decided I could just write my own, just to fill up my blog space a little. (It's a tradition, I have to treat myself to a blog post after slogging for an essay.)

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Charmaine,

You are Sleeping Beauty! You'll like nothing better than to conk out for the next century or so, and awake to meet Prince Charming in a darn good mood because you're so well-rested. Plus by then your essay deadlines will all have expired anyway.

Awake

The word count is at
500/1500, 1000/1500

Not bad lar hor. If you add the two essays together I'll actually hit the full word limit! Hurhurhur.

I got the extension to Tuesday for SEA lit also. I think Angeline and Dr H are uber nice folks lar. Dr H is like the only lecturer who told us we could email to request for extensions "because I know this is the period where you're all dying."

Ding! Exactly so.

I miss my level 3000s, my time, my sleep and my sanity =(

Oh and thank God I finished my film title selection and rationale to hand in tonight also. If I have to conceptualise another topic-of-discussion kinda stuff I'll go screaming mad.

Okay, back to the 4 hour sleep cycle. And I really really should finish SEA Lit by Monday too. For sanity's sake.

And we are enlightened...

(abridged)

.:Charm:.
ello je~!
did you get my msg?
JE
yo yo
what msg?

(long pause)

.:Charm:.
die
what's your number?
JE
my number from last yr is not valid anymore
i didnt update with u ar
.:Charm:.
!
so i've been sending msges to a non existing number
...
for all the times i never got back to you on stuff in the past weeks... you know why now =X
JE
yah... i was like... how come charm never replied me
lolx

(long process of settling admin details)

Several minutes later:

.:Charm:.
come to think of it
i nv got a msg from you
JE
96520662?
.:Charm:.
*cringe*
that's my old number. not in use anymore
JE
hahahahaha
we're even :D

Hurhur. The wonders of communication devices.

When Phrasing Confuses...

During a lecture on a particular film director:

Japanese Studies lecturer: If you look at his ears you'll see how old he was.
*general gasps all round lecture theatre*

Charm: *stares hard at the ears of said film director on the powerpoint slide*
(thinks to self) Huh, his ears look normal what.

Japanese Studies lecturer: As you can see, Ibuse lived through both the world wars, which came to influence his later works...

Charm: *eyes travel up to slide title-- "Ibuse Masuji: 1898-1993"*

Oh. Look at his years.

char says:
wad u doing in sch?
char says:
in honours room mugging?
.:Charm:. in school says:
panicking
.:Charm:. in school says:
that's just about how productive i am now
char says:
panicking in sch?
char says:
shldn't u panic at home?
.:Charm:. in school says:
no, school provides the illusion that help is not too far away
.:Charm:. in school says:
if i freak out i can sprint for the library.

School is turning me neurotic. Help.

How to Radiate Level Fourness

1. Use at least two 5-syllable words in a sentence. Possible words include te-leo-lo-gi-cal, sub-al-ter-ni-ty, o-ri-en-ta-list al-ler-go-ry, es-sen-tia-li-sm and mul-ti-na-tio-nal ca-pi-ta-li-sm

2. Sprinkle a couple of foreign words for colour. Try incognito, ad nauseam, deus ex machina. Whether it makes sense or not.

3. Throw in big names for good measure. Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak's subalternity, Anderson's imagined communities, Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto, Althusser's Ideology, Gramsci's Hegemony, Harold Bloom's Literature of Anxiety, Freud's Unconscious, Deleuze and Guattari's Flows of Desire...

4. Ask questions that no one understands. Then you either a) look extremely pleased when someone (somehow!) gives a fantastic reply, and nod wisely, or b) disagree, and say resignedly "oh, I don't think you are getting my point, but it's okay, that's fine too."

5. Combine and deliver!

"I can't say I agree--Jame;son's notion that all third-world texts are necessarily national allegories is presumptuous! It falls back to the notions of Western superiority that Chatter;jee extrapolates in his article-- and this inclination to politicize even texts with no such original intention is hardly an objective thesis. I mean, yes, of course, although one of its chief presuppositions is the critique of the sovereign subject... *ramble* the persistent dichotomising of these polemic differences allows for a pseudo sacrilization of a teleological history..."



Ah well.

But then we shouldn't expect any less, should we, when we have readings that go like this:

"Maoism here simply creates an aura of narrative specificity, which would be a harmless rhetorical banality were it not that the innocent appropriation of the proper name 'Maoism' for the eccentric phenomenon of French intellectual 'Maoism' and subsequent 'New Philosophy' symptomatically renders 'Asia' transparent...... Why should such occlusions be sanctioned in precisely those intellectuals who are our best prophets of heterogeneity and the Other?"
- from Can the Subaltern Speak? by Spivak

I think perhaps the subaltern could have spoken if they hadn't already drowned in this sea of words.

Week 4

Went for my first Japanese studies tutorial today, and stepped into classroom 0213 at 4pm promptly... and instantly felt something was wrong. Half the class was already on their feet right in front of the classroom, writing on the whiteboard.

"Er... Japanese class tutorial?" I asked the tutor.
"Yeah, this is Japanese class," he confirms cheerfully.

I took two more steps in, half doubtful, and turned around to stare quizzically at the whiteboard--which looked genuinely foreign. The stuff that the class was scribbling were Japanese words, much to my chagrin.

A two-second pause, and I turned to the tutor again.

"Japanese studies class?"
"Eh? Oh, no," he replies with the same serenity, and a pleasant smile. "Japanese class."
"...!"

Needless to say, I retreated with a string of flustered apologies, to which he replied, "it's okay :)" with that same calm pleasant demeanor.

Argh, freshie moment.

Flew to AS7 to double check my tutorial room on IVLE (correct what!) and was pacing the corridor one end to another, peeking into seminar room windows... before realising, suddenly, that what I sincerely believed to be AS3 was actually AS1, and ran for life two blocks down to the right classroom.

*cringe* Malu-ation. I have no idea why I was so confident that the AS1 corridor was AS3. Reminds me of the nineteenth-century geopolitical schizophrenia (ie a time-space dislocation and general disorientation). In my fourth NUS year. Hur.

Anyway tutorial today was fun =) General introductions all round, and film discussion. I feel like I'm around normal people again -- I can understand what's going on, and people don't speak in 5-syllable words (refer next entry)-- they talk like normal people! So I could actually offer my own opinions without feeling intimidated. Plus fresh faces are always interesting =D

Last week's level 3000 lit mod was fine too, I think. SEA lit is interesting, with its share of short stories to kick start the term, but you kinda realise that after semesters of conditioning, we start to get sensitive, and whenever we get a lyrical, descriptive passage, we'll have half the class jumping up and roaring (figuratively, not literally) EXOTICISATION! ROMANTICISATION! IT'S THE COLONIAL MASTERS ERRONEOUSLY DEPICTING THE NATIVES AS IDEALISED BEINGS! etc.

So that's that-- the remaining modules shall remain politely unmentioned because I'm scared of them.

Welcome tea on Monday night was a blast. Like I said, it's always interesting to have fresh faces, and the new batch of 22 has lots of interesting people =) I'm kinda looking forward to getting to know them all, and see what happens to them by chlamp--they are such a humongous bunch. It took ages just to get the introductions done, after which the games had to be shortened, and the food went cold-- but I gather that cold food was not an issue with the half-starved Reso folks =P Mini presentation was fun because of zi-hai seniors doing our usual fanclub actions at the back of the room, haha, and the rest of them were practically dancing to Techno liao. Which was really heartwarming-- it puts all the fun back into performing again, and is a timely reminder of how delightful it is to perform with crazy Reso people as part of your audience =)

So yeah, even though I hadn't slept proper for some 40 hours prior to welcome tea, and even though I really felt totally -ugh- at prac the night before (I'm sorry OOPsians!)-- I did enjoy welcome tea =)

And I've been feeling apprehensive about this, but I still do believe it's gonna be super, so--

Reso's having a mini concert at YIH, details as follows:
A Walk To September: a Reso mini-concert,
at NUS YIH Function Room, 14th Sept, 7pm
Tickets at 5 bucks only =)

Come, okay!

Huh 250 words also need one night to finish. Jia lat lar. 7.30am already, sure late for school one liao. Today is a long day =(

I'm really very sorry if I'm cranky or slow or unresponsive-- I know there's no reason for my own stress to spill over to affect others, and I'll consciously try not to let it get to me, okay?

Thanks to all the brave sweet souls who came by to offer words of encouragement =) Love ya all!

Crabsticks.

It dawned on me at 12.30am that I have four readings and two short stories to finish before 10-5pm lessons tomorrow. How can I realise this so late? Tried to cram one-and-a-half films and assignment research into my free day today, but I only finished half a film =( Black Rain is a powerful film though. Immensely sad in a deeply melancholic kind of way... I thought a war film would be too overtly explosive and in-your-face for my liking, but this one has its surprisingly light, endearing moments, which made the bleak images and stark, raw moments of loss, delivered with such matter-of-fact, calm resignation, so very touching.

Love film. Short stories are okay too, they don't give quite the pleasure of conquering a novel but they're still quite good. Still grumpy about having to wallow through readings for the other modules =(

Miss novels and slow chordy songs. And no, the 1175-line does not count as a novel, okay.

Amazing fact #1: I slept 1.5 hours last night after finishing the presentation notes.
Amazing fact #2: Today was not my presentation date.
Amazing fact #3: The actual presentation date is two weeks away.

Pui.

4:41AM

I can't believe that I'm going to bed at this time.

9am presentation tomorrow. Less than 2 hours of sleep for today.

It's only week 3.

Till we meet again

In memory of Consonance senior Zicong.


(Pic is kopped off Wenquan's blog)

I prolly haven't seen half these people for ages, and how ______ it is that we should meet at a wake. But we were there, in person or in spirit, and that mattered.

And I wonder again how surreal it is to lose a person without really knowing who he is or what he's really like, even though I must have 'known' him since Cadenza 3 in J2.

Black and white-- a solemn farewell to you, dear senior, and my deepest respects. Be well, wherever you may be headed henceforth.

Three more things

I'm sorry if it's just lists, but it's the quickest way to update.

One, Reso auditions are on! 20th to 24th August. I don't know if anyone might find this relevant, considering most of you readers are old and retiring from school, but hey! If you chanced upon this entry by some random-blog-browsing mechanism, you're probably fated to join us anyway, so come =)

Two, I'm feeling put out by research workshop presently, for some reason.

Three, I cut my hair!

Finished 3 readings, 4 more to go. Dying. I want to read novels and poetry, not dense theories that go in endless loops =(

Four Things

One, I'm like super stressed about Asia Moderns. My prof goes full throttle with enormous words and humongous ideas and theories come fast and furious. So dense you can drown in words.

Oh, and presentation is next week.

Two, I'm freaked out by eighteenth century because there is no class next week, but there is presentation the week after.

Three, I won a pair of tickets to 881 *beams* But of course the other ticket must go to Charlene, who made me join the email contest for free tickets =)

Four, Nicole passed us a copy of our Food Export magazine! Debut magazine okay! Heart it. Had to turn down the part-time job offer, and I felt really bad, because I would like to have helped Nicole, in return for all the valuable lessons she taught us, and because she's so incredi-nice. But this sem's workload! =( Had to reject for survival's sake =( Grah.

So yeah. No time. Readings to do, presentations to plan. Write again.

You didn't need a reason then, so you don't need a reason now. Sometimes answers are not so crucial, and reasons are never accurate. I thought a lit student, of all people, should understand that.

So here we go again =)

*hums*

I don't know when I wrote this. During the hols, perhaps. So this is technically chronologically out of order. But never mind, it should have its place with the rest of the entries as well, so here goes! =)

----

Beautiful, my delight
Pass, as we pass the wave
Pass as the mottled night
Leaves what it cannot save.

Scattering dark and bright
Scattering dark
and bright...

- To be sung on the water, composed by Samuel Barber

I. Heart. Beautiful. Songs.

Even if all that I remember of the song are the humming, lulling background and the lone sop line, lifting into a high cry and fading into the murky bassy background. I still hear it in images, the oars dipping into the steam, stirring, pulling the waters, the rippled moonlight, the hushed, rhythmic swish of water against boat, in the cool, silent night.

It's a different feeling from Winter's Light, which is another song with very vivid imagery, and which I'm terribly fond of as well, but there, I think I've found my answer to one of those conversations that goes like this--

Q: What kind of songs do you like?
A: *ponders a while* I don't know, a variety, I guess.
Q: But there must be a type that you prefer. You know, like pop? rock? jazz?
A: Ballads, maybe? A bit of jazz? A bit of bossa nova? Classical music is nice too...
Q: Yah but which kind do you prefer? Or maybe you have a favourite singer, that kind of thing?

It's quite a headache trying to pinpoint things like that, I think. But here-- I like songs with images in them. Vivid, vivid images that come woven into the lyrics. I like songs with stories in them, I like songs that can make your spine tingle with the feeling that's embedded into the music and the words.

That, and every other frivolous stuff you can make meaning of, including those that go inchi-inchi-inchi-inchi, once in a while =)

Internship

Very busy week! I haven't got the time to talk of internship proper at all, I realised, especially with the onslaught of Reso activities taking up every night of the entire last day of work, spilling over to the following Monday.

But a two-and-a-half month stint does deserve its place of mention on the blog, yes? =) I think I was really really lucky to get this internship-- and this isn't a comment realised only upon hindsight, because really, there're lessons to take home all the time, things to learn and stuff to write. And I did really get to write, which is an opportunity that I'm super grateful for. After overcoming the first week of bad writing, of course, when I had written without completely knowing what it is that was required of me. Poor Nicole probably nearly died editing the first set of articles, which made me feel terribly guilty. But she allowed me to make mistakes without grudging me for it, and sent them back to let me review and re-edit and fix my mistakes, which helped a tremendous lot in getting me to understand how things work, and getting me to have a better grasp on writing for something with its own set of expectations. When the next set of edited articles were sent back I was practically bubbling with delight and relief within, when I spotted a significant dip in the red-marked changes. On the one hand it meant a less painful experience for my editor, of which I do feel very much responsible for, and on the other it meant that there was some sort of improvement =) Yayyers. There's still quite a way to go before I'm good enough, of course, but it is encouraging =)

And then there're really nice people, who are easy to get along with, and nice to work with as a consequence =) It's pretty cosy in the small two-room office, with only the big boss, two writers, an administrator and us two interns, (the configurations were changed a couple of times, but that's another story--we'll keep this simple). Nicole and JS are totally hilarious sometimes in their utter randomness and their unexpected comments and responses, of which I'd rather not quote here... We'll all like to keep our reputations intact, should I happen to return again in the future =P And then there's Kaykey, of course, who added more life into the internship altogether, without whom I'll probably be bored to death. (And twice as kan cheong about every crisis and deadline. She's super calm and efficient lar, which is life-saving at times when I panic, heh) All the MSN-ing and simultaneous whining about stupid companies with lousy info and tea-buying and (probably the highlight of these all) disturbing a very agitated Charlene every once in a while actually makes long work days more manageable.



Charm, Char and KayKey at Tom's Palette, our favourite ice cream parlour ever =) I think this is like the only picture I have of three of us...

And here's us!

Dressed down and half-dead on the last day of work, haha. There's a pretty view from the boss's office-- you can actually see the big ferris wheel at Marina and Suntec from here.

We didn't get to take pictures with Nicole, grah. The last day of internship coincided with a pending publication deadline, so neither Nicole nor big boss was around in the office, even =( JS declared that he was camera shy, so we didn't take with him, either. =( =(

Never mind. We shall be content with the scenic view from our toilet on the sixteenth floor.



Nicole promised to treat Kaykey and I to a KTV outing, so expect more pictures then! =D

Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.

Jean Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract
French political philosopher (1712 - 1778)

A canary released into the wilderness is as good as a dead canary anyway. What does it know, what can it want? Nothing, after all. Nothing at all.

Heart aches
when I sense
that wealth of pent-up sadness that lies underneath what seemed so
pretty
and polished
and noisy
and happening

and alive.




Alive?





I think once upon a time the feeling would have been called bereft. Would that be an apt word, that of loss? But how do you understand loss when you don't understand what it is that you have lost? Is it a realisation that you've never had it in the first place, that it has only existed in your idealistic imagination all this while?

*shudder*

I hadn't thought of what I was saying when the words tumbled out in keyboard-taps. And now that subconscious thoughts are crytalised into words, staring back at me, I almost fear that...

No.

But you do understand that this is gonna apply to more than one person, you, who are reading this piece, and wondering. How I wish ever so often that I had the right words or means of comfort to offer, or to be able to cast spells that makes one "magically happy", a virtual (unreal!) service that Facebook had ingeniously offered.

I do remember an awful awful stretch of ---ness (for lack of a better word), then. But you all!

I don't know how to make things better, or what to say, even, but if it helps in any way, I'm here.

And things do fall into place. Or we, adaptable human beings that we are, will ourselves fall into place, in time. And I suppose this would be sufficient, at least for now, at least until the next time around.

Post-Semis

Love my Reso folks to bits =)

And Davina's right-- (and I'm taking extreme liberties to paraphrase here) -- Go out there and aim to do better than yourselves, not others. There's no longer an "other group" to beat on Monday night--it's a matter of beating your own personal best, and coming out tops above yourself. Which'll make every one of you winners in your own right =)

I do believe that a genuine personal best from our teams is not one that's easily trumped, though... nor one that could be sufficiently represented by a weighted metal cup, either. Perhaps it's just an opinion coloured by my own attachment to Reso, but hey. To see them in their element, nailing those way-cool arrangements with such depth of feeling, is deeply fulfilling, somehow. Because it carries so much meaning and so much feeling along with it-- every person, every effort, every experience... and the easy willingness in which fellow Reso-family members (to borrow a Jiayan-phrase) turn up to support =)

I think it meant as much to them as it did to us last year, seeing the Reso folks out there in the audience, shrieking like nuts when they walked onstage, haha.

Still caught up in the aca-champs fervour, in a humming, excitable, buzzing, chirpy way =) Along with a subdued kind of nostalgic wistfulness, and a pleasant fuzzy warmth.

And what do you know, this year it's a two-parter, and MONDAY'S THE DAY!

Catch the A Cappella Championships FINALS, this Monday 7pm, Esplanade Recital Studio (do you think they'll let us take pictures or scream hysterically?) But never mind, plenty of time after the competition to do that. My camera's charged and ready to shoot!

So do come, whoever you may be, because it's probably gonna be really, really good =)

GO ResoSpuffs!

Say WHAT?

ROUND 0 STARTED AND ENDED AND I DIDN'T KNOW! *STOMPS FOOT* WHY DID NUS MAIL MAINTAIN A STOIC SILENCE WHEN I CHECKED IT THE PAST TWO WEEKS, AND ONLY ASKED US TO CHECK CORS WEBSITE ON THE DAY OF ROUND 0 ITSELF?

*peeved* I'm busy doing work okay, and don't have the habit of checking NUS mail when all they deliver during the hols is spam and surveys and information I never use... important reminders like that should be sent one week in advance at least, right?

Now I have no idea what modules I got, and must wait till Monday to find out. And thus the flustered bidding process begins during my last week of work, when I already have ten thousand things to rush, thank you very much. *glares scathingly at chirpy orange-and-beige CORS website*

Can you imagine, I'll have never known about bidding until school starts, or something, if I didn't read Siyi's blog. No whiff of news whatsoever, no "Do you know next week bidding starts already?" this semester. This is very scary. It's an erroneous way of helping heart surgeons and funeral parlours earn money, okay.

Plus besides being a hardworking intern delivering a fairly decent image of NUS to external beings, I spend two days a week singing about The Bright Golden Days Recalled and proclaiming that NUS lives Forever More, so the least you could do is to drop your faithful student a friendly reminder one month or one week before CORS begins. You know, something simple, like, "Dear Student, module bidding begins soon! Check the CORS website! Have fun at work!"

=(

So how were you guys informed, really?

Oh man, school starts soon.

I can so imagine everything coming higgedy piggedy together. There's just two weeks left to internship, of which I've gotta make sure everything's in order, and in the midst of that are certain family commitments, Harry Potter this Saturday, a cappella championship semifinals next week, VnH concert, aca champs finals, Freshman Inauguration Ceremony performance, and... school reopens: to FOUR lit modules, one elective, pracs and (possibly) a part-time job.

Oh man. I still have to pay the lit department and the co-op a pre-open-school visit to make sure I don't die out in mid sem.

One more breadth/elective module left to decide for! Who wants to take a-something together? Let me know before round 0, okay?

Commencement 2007

Last Saturday and Sunday I went for two commencements: Maria's, and my Lit buddies' =)


With SC's first graduate Maria! Who was our absolute star that day, and wasn't allowed to stop smiling because we all wanted individual pictures with her =P *sobs* Our dear girl all grown up now... *scuttles off before Maria comes to whack me*

Okay, with the grand 四方帽 this time! (what's it called in English, actually?)



With the SC girls who were able to come down, including our long-time-no-see Miss President Jeslyn, who said of course she'll be there for every important occasion of ours, including grad ceremonies, marriages and births =) So we've got a ready-made VIP group for all future big events (All right girls, take that down and don't forget!)


Oh, and we caught Eunice Olsen with her cloak and hat close up when the profs were released from the hall and were making their way up, and she actually looked over and smiled straight at us. Very sweet =) On a more frivolous note-- she looks really nice in the red Harry-Potter style cloak lar, as does most of the profs we saw. Which was quite an incentive, really-- I asked Phyllis if you could graduate with that funky round hat if you studied up to Masters, but apparently you'll get it only when you work up to PHD. Bummer. I always wondered how it feels like to wear one, but I really don't think people go into academia for the attire *grins*

And here we announce our presence:



Huge "I WAS HERE" sign, right outside the UCC. (I like this picture! We look so happy and so... carefree.) The sign got meaning one, okay. I for Identity, WAS for Presence, and Here for Place, just so we wouldn't forget...

But who could ever forget people and experiences and places so precious? We were here, are here, and will always be here... in memory and in spirit, if not physically. And that's always a comfort to know =)

So that was Saturday with Maria and the SC peeps. Sunday's commencement was for my Lit buddies!


Kopped from Alicia, because hers looked much nicer =P So we finally finally finally finally finally(!) got a decent picture together after three years of lit classes (Okay, maybe one-and-a-half? two? Since we hardly knew one another in year one...)

Which is why we should take lots more pics together!



With Eileen...


With Yuanting...


And Alicia!


Oh, and I managed to catch Liyan too! I didn't know she was graduating this year, but I was really glad I managed to catch her~



It feels kind of surreal somehow,attending your friends' grad ceremony, and getting caught up in this super high cheery happy occasion. I'm really grateful, though, for all my friends' abilities to make me feel less left out than I had semi-expected to feel, so there was pretty much good vibes throughout both days, without so much a reminder of being one of the few staying on, still...

So thanks, girls, for the memories-- all the arts-and-business-canteen days, the moping over assignments, the intellectual discussions, the overnight company over MSN for essay deadline nights, the whining one another's ears off, the laughter and conversations and all the random quirky moments, and--most importantly--for being there, and being you =)

The close of one chapter, perhaps, but certainly not the end of the tale =) We've got to meet up and catch up every once in a while k?

And because I like this picture I shall let it round off the entry...


Stay in touch k!

Misc Stuff

So elections passed without event, like I was telling fellow intern KK the next day-- the most exciting discovery that night was how good the cheese tarts (an impulse decision, incidentally) really tasted.

Not that the event was particularly dull, mind you. There's still a lot of leftover food-for-thought for the brain to digest, and sitting there listening to Charm-junior pointing out a certain few defects in the Reso system was one major ouch moment, because what do you know, we've been through this before, and... *wrings hands in exasperation* after squares two, three and four, we're back to square one, again.

I think now would be an appropriate moment to wail "Does no one read all the Reso evaluation minutes?!" where such issues have been discussed to bits, but then no common person would be free enough to browse archived meeting records, so. It remains very tempting to wail like a banshee, of course, over all sorts of things, but one must preserve one's image (and discretion!) on a public site, so this is about as far as I can write, with regards to this issue, as of now. A blog is after all a very secondary means of translating information =)

There's so much stuff to write about! Work's been busy too, and then there's the BBQ over at big boss's place, and there's oh, commencement, which is yet another crammed-full-of-thoughts event... I really oughta get myself organised, and write them properly, but the thought that I've got unfinished work still flits through the back of my head like some unappeased spirit, so I still don't feel absolutely at ease, or in the mood for any thorough, proper kind of reflective entry. Grah, spoiler =(

(I think I've been writing so many short sentences at work that I'm sorely in need of compensating myself with unnecessarily long unwieldy sentences that absolutely must exceed ten words, at least...)

Okay time's up for tonight! Tomorrow's a long day, and there is oh-so-much work to do, and I can't OT when I've got to be on time for prac. It's just one more week to presentation for NUS Forever (goodness.) Howwww? I think Kaykey and I will whine each other's ears off again tomorrow, haha. This week has been madness.

Till the next time, folks!

Where's it @, again?

Going through a directory of emails can have its quirks, once in a long while.

Here's the longest-ever domain name I've ever encountered. Read it aloud!

info@antichisaporidelgolfodinapoli.it

Really now. I do wonder if they actually receive half their emails.

This is crazy, I know, but lit fac offers EN5252: Movies, Spectatorship and Subjectivity at masters level, and Dr Ang did say that we could email and request to take level 5000 if we really want to...

And I'm sorely tempted.

Topics in Eighteenth Century's exam is on 6 December, can. And Research Workshop is at 9am on a Monday morning. How unkind =(

Of course, there's always Shakespeare and Film, the cross-listed Theatre Studies module, which sounds so fun (and tough, hmm) so I daren't take unless Sharon takes it, too...

And as if you hadn't heard me whine about the same thing before, I'm missing my lit-clique again, sigheee.

Must decide again, perhaps tomorrow, or anytime after I've drawn out my 10 different alternatives and checked stuff out with my UE/breadth folks... So... What are you guys taking?

---

Update 11.09pm: CRAPS. I just realised I must take FOUR lit modules this sem, not three! (Will taking a level 3000 compensate for the level 5000, or is it just safer to take all 4000s?)

Irrelevantly speaking...

This is what collating industry news does to you after some time.

----------

Typo of the week, which had my poor vetter KK in fits of laughter:

US Raw Meat Prices Rise
"... Output of beef, pork and chicken is expected to decline by one billion bounds..."

*image of billions of processed cow, pig and chicken bounding gleefully over dandelion fields*

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Re: Why did the cattle cross the border?

Canadian Cattle Cross US Border
"... US complained that Canadian cattle over the age of 30 months are crossing the borders, infringing food export bans...."

*frowns, pencil hovering over text*
"Cattle? That means they're alive? Like, not yet beef?"
"Dunno leh, should be bah, the source used the word cattle."

*image of old Canadian cows ambling over the US-Canada border*

"Well, if their herd of live cattle decides to trot across the border, it isn't really their fault what. Plus the grass is supposed to be greener on the other side."
"..."

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KK said I have too much imagination -_-

Omg I've got no time to blog! No time for reflective entries again today, darnit. I miss writing in that intuitive, random, spontaneous way, luxuriating in a swirl of words, colour palettes of thoughts, the freedom in the random splashes of images and quirky little events that are of little significance to anyone else but you.

Like on Friday after work when I was semi-lost but feeling uber happy in my dressed-down t-shirt and jeans and flat shoes, mp3 player plugged in and humming Yesterday Once More to myself, strolling along the pavement without strict navigation, just a general sense of direction.

How good to feel like yourself again, even if it had to be a haphazard, dressed-down, take-unnecessary-detours-by-accident self, who still cannot sing relatively well enough, who is flustered by her own inadequacies, who is still slow, and oh, so many things... but how good it is to be yourself again, on a Friday evening with no plans for the weekend, no need to be anyone or anything else.

Such a luxury.

SN MegaReunion: Brief Excerpt

Representatives from the lovable orange tags =P (And the oldest in the whole reunion lar, can)
Charm and Cynthia in full attire! (Oh man we still look like sec 4s...)


The Rosythian-and-SN-Sop-one pic, featuring beloved red tags Fel and Sheena


With Michelle, newly reunited in Reso, but always ever SN choir girls at heart =)





Nostalgic already?

Young oldies: lovely combination of white and orange =) (I like this picture!)



And I really really cannot resist doing a comparison =P



The standing position was really a coincidence, I promise!



We really didn't change that much, you know =P (Sheena is still taller than me! =( *laughs*)

One more, for old times sake... (if any of the orange-tag-sops girls catch themselves in this old photo they'll scream at me lar, haha)




Generations of SN girls, with our ever constant dear Mrs Ong =)

My heartfelt thank-yous to the special bunch of people who made this possible:



You girls rawk!