Charm's phone is down. For some reason it has zero reception everywhere and can neither send or receive messages or phonecalls. Hence please direct all enquires and important messages to Charm's home phone, which I am not at liberties to distribute online. Won't be free at night for the whole of this week until after 1030pm--have the rites to attend to...

Odd sort of consensus because it's definite and irreversible and... and a sort of a closing of a chapter. No more changes or uncertainty in this aspect. No, I won't think too much, so don't fret. It's a queer kind of acceptance... will do for now, perhaps it will last.

There are essential things unmentioned, but that doesn't mean I don't care. I do. And I want to believe that it will be all right in time.

It will, I think.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Dose of silliness

Begun writing on Tues, 17 Aug

Having been subject to undue stress and frustrations due to multiple unsuccessful tutorial allocation and lousy timetabling and some other unrelated matters, I have decided to give myself a break by typing a frivolous, giddily silly entry-- spelling errors and alien, never-seen-before words and grammetical errors intended. If this in any way shatters your image of Charm the sweet, demure, serious, good-little-girl then you are welcome to skip it totally =) You have been warned.

Saw a tiny yellow flower growing outta a crevice at the side of the concrete pavement outside my home. So preetttyyy! *awwwwwww* It never ceases to amaze me, the ability of these tiny little flowers, uncared for, unwatered, unnoticed, to suddenly sprout from the unlikeliest places. Oh I tell you what kinda flora I really do like-- you know the big, strikingly yellow-green bushes that they sometimes plant by the roadside? Those are one of them, as are those bushes with red-and-green leaves that grow really really tall and thick, and eventually form a kinda hedge. Oh and I like the flame-of-the-forest... is that what you call those trees that rain yellow flowers when the wind blows? And those tissue-paper-like pink-and-white flowering trees as well. They're very very pretty. Oooh and I like garden flowers, the wild tangles of the small yellow dandelions and the light blue flowered creeping plant. Ladidumdidoo.

I cannot understand my maths lecturer! Saaaad. He was going throught functions today and going on and on about kodomeh... which kinda disturbed me because I've never heard of it before... leaned over to look at our beloved former F.maths student Maria's notes to see what new mathematical term this is, and found that, horror of horrors, said kodomeh is actually spelt c-o-d-o-m-a-i-n. Aw shucks. So much for my brilliant understanding. And then of course there was 'eggs', as in "The eggs in this function does not really matter" Well, obviously the eggs wouldn't figure in this equa-- huh? The eggs turned out to be x, eventually, so all was good and fine. Ahh, the wonders of language. Many thanks to Maria the Interpreter. Two years of maths and physics lectures have definitely trained her up, eh? ;P

My Lit lecturer has a perpetual sheepish look. It always makes me wonder if he's really serious when he's dishing out information. And I felt terribly drowsy during Lit lect today. Bad girl Charm! Bad bad girl! But then again he was going thru history and politics and other such background info of the book, and there is a reason why I hadn't chosen to take history or political science after all. Oh well. Like he puts it, with regards to the character in the book "You can never truly escape your subconscious barriers until you confront them... they will eventually come back to haunt you...", or something like that--I was only about three-quarts awake then. Though of course I shouldn't be applying his words on my situation... totally outta point... heh, but what the heck.

Jeez. This is beyond being just nonsensical and frivolous. I really sound very stupid now.

And by the way, I'm very tired. Blearghs.

Moving on. Went on the once-sensational but now forgotten friendster recently and discovered some new friends. Oh, and to date I have 158 friends! Everybody clap! *half-hearted scattered applause* Very good. Now, I got a bit creeped out when I decided to read through my testimonials all at one go. Goodness, people! What kind of an image did you have in mind when you wrote them? No, I won't complain about the content because they are generally really sweet thoughtful and nice, but you know, after I'm done reading it I feel I'm already one step closer to attaining the Nirvanah, at the rate these fantastic friends of mine go. I sincerely hope that my character extends beyond being sweet and nice and --oh, goodness-- cute... (complete with the halo and wings and fluffly pink pastel clouds)--YES, that is the image I got in my head after a while, which kinda shook me because I am very sure that I'm very much human still, flaws and all...

Am I the only person complaining about nice, glowing, sweet testimonials?

Probably. Oops. =X And I'm probably the only person who wants to see "Charm arh? Chey... where got guai? And hardworking? Man, you must be kidding... slacking and stoning is her next favourite activity besides sleeping... okay lar, and singing. The one thing she's really good at, though, is procrasinating..." That would be a refreshing change.

*ponders* what else? Oh I'm not very fond of drastically dyed hair. Find that I'm still okay with dark browns and minimal highlights, but then I saw a girl with flaming red tresses spilling down her back in curly locks, pinned up at the sides with two orange clips...... and felt distinctly sick. It might have been to do with the fact that her clips' colour and her hair were not the best combination or that all that hair prompted an image of a golden lion tamarin, albeit rather curly... Oh, ew. Whatever. Then there were the black-blended-into-purple-blended-into-maroon-blended-into-blonde hair, or the very yellow highlights that scream LOOK AT MY HAY! halfway through lecturer when my eyes were attempting to fix themselves on the lecturer and failing miserably because of the wondrous sea of colours down below... If I ever go into teaching I shall be glad I don't have to lecture these... uh... creative, fashionable people. Not even if I'm smart enough to get a PhD, which hahaha is not what I see in my future anyway... though I must admit that those big round hats with attached tassles look rather fascinating... hmmm... at least they hide the hair, or the lack of it, you know, by the time you finally get your degree?

*shrugs* whatever. Am done with spontaneous nonsense for now, and have got nothing else to fuss about as yet, so I shall leave this entry be. Till next time...

There must be some kind of bloody wicked conspiracy. I'm sorry, I don't mean to swear. But it's just wrong wrong wrong. No, not wrong, but...

It's out of my control. Stop dropping those earth-shattering bombshells. When I don't know how to take things I won't react to it. I won't. I will just switch off.

..............

*sigh* I don't know what to say. No more words to use.

...............

Off, off...

This is madness. Am stoning away at AS7 comp lab.... realise I can't access my cors cos I don't have my PIN. Yay. How smart. Jeez. So I'll have to wait till 3 plus to do manual registration. Annoying annoying annoying.

So everyone has perfectly sensible windows on their screen now--NUS sites, Microsoft Word and Excel documents, research materials... while here I am typing away on blogger. Sigh. They wouldn't let me install MSN either, by the way...

What else? Oh. I just found a nice intellectual English site that is actually pretty amusing... check out http://www.webenglishteacher.com/langplay.html to discover the wonders of language play! So look, I'm actually working on my tutorial now, so to speak... Maybe it'll help me pass an hour and a half while Dy and Maria go for their German lessons?

Am in a decidedly nonsensical mood now, spillover from yesterday while I was halfway thru my silly entry, which should be posted up later. There must be something wrong when I am determined to be silly and stay silly for a long while. Psychoanalytically speaking... *pauses* Oh, never mind. But staying serious and sombre and thinking so hard about so many things gets awfully tiring when it's done for extended periods of time.

I haven't sung for some time, that is, alone, to myself, enjoying every bit of vocal freedom, and that's a bit disturbing. Hm. Lack of catharsis somewhere. -_-

Tomorrow is Saturday. Need to settle a mini birthday celebration and put the finishing touches to the present... But there's so much going on tomorrow... two groups of people at meeting at City Hall at 5pm, and I'm not gonna be there for either.

Listless, and caught in an odd sort of suspension, and wondering if I should hope for anything to happen soon, because things are often so unpredictable. I'll stick with the usual wait and see, but it's a tiring process. Bah.

K lar blog later. Maybe tonight. Go do a bit of reading up first. *shrugs*

Ay, sorry I was such lousy company yesterday... The migraine I had was prob one of my very worst -_- Goodness knows what's wrong also... kept blinking hard and trying to focus but it seemed such an awful strain on the eyes and brain... pound pound pound pound at the back of the head and the painful painful prickling at the eyes... and as all migraines go, that awful nausea... only thing I could do was to desperately cling on to the notion that I would be able to go home soon. *shudder* and that took a lot of effort. So the ending evaluation-discussion turned out to be quite a murky mess in my head. Ouch.

Quite a pity because I had been looking forward to PCC for the past week. To the video, the photos -- both of which turned out pretty good I think =) -- and the meeting up with everyone else again. The videos and the photos brought back quite a fair bit of memories, but let's not launch into this sentimental-reminiscent mode again or I won't be able to stop.

Would like to join the SCO thingie but don't know if I will be able to juggle school and performance preparation and carolling preparation and ECA. But sitting at home on weekends makes me feel curiously bereft. *shrugs* We'll see. I can almost predict what my mum will say now-- "Ni tian tian chu qu wai mian mang bei ren de shi, you mei you xiang guo liu zai jia li zuo yi xie gai zuo de shi qing? Bu yao wang ji ni xian zai yi jing kai xue le, yao wan ye gei ni wan gou le, ni de yan chu ye gao le yi ge duan luo le, ni xian zai hai yao mang she me? ....." And then there will be terrific examples, case studies, and supporting evidences gathered over the years to secure her every statement. *sigh* My mum should consider a career in law.

Brother is driving me nuts with that annoyingly repetitive tune on his recorder, which, at random moments, will slip into a sudden squeak. He's terribly fond of doing certain things just to watch for my reaction--it gives him a certain sense of accomplishment-- and boy, you've never really seen Charm react when you really get on her nerves. All I can say is, don't try ;P

Hm. Should be all for now. Still tired... goodness knows why. *shrugs* Till the next time then...

To keep a long story short, and to get everyone used to the Independent! No More Spoonfeeding! Treat You Like An Adult! and Think Like How We Expect Bright University-Level Students To, I shall present the rest of the entry in point form to facilitate crictical thinking and save precious time. Please ensure that you do your own readings and let me know if you have any pertinent questions by leaving a note there *points to tagboard*

- I thought introductory lectures are supposed to whet your appetite and stir some interest in the syllables yet to come.
- Not so accurate a presumption.
- If you think travelling to NTU from NUS is near, think again.
- Don't worry. I still found it fun, but my eyes have this curious, glazed-over feeling, and I don't wonder why.
- Something needs to be done about my Chinese. Really. 95.8FM, here I come!
- I appreciate waking up late.
- I'm very, very, very tired. *flops over and dies*
- Lit is a rather expensive subject.
- I would like to pick up a new language next sem. Maybe French.
- I would like to pick up a new CCA, besides the acapella thingie...
- Preferably one that would make someone go "*gasp* Are you serious?!?"
- I still miss singing.
- Brother has picked up a new hobby. Book spinning is in this season. Watch it! *ducks*
- Brother has also given some disturbing feedback about my singing in a series of unearthly wails.
- Will need to check on that tomorrow during video-viewing.
- Learnt the basics of English chess.
- Make-up econs lect tomorrow, again. Mustn't stay for long.
- Till next time,
- Ciao~

Wan de tai guo huo le. Enjoyed myself so much, so deliriously submerged in the exhilaration of the concert fervour and the songs and the times spent together... Perhaps it is a little too much, I don't know.

I miss choir. I miss singing. I m-

*blinks* Oh no. There're other things to do. I must remember. Family, and school. Time they get the lion's share. Always get too carried away, and sometimes it's so hard to pull back. And some things are so different from what you've acclimatized to that you're left in an odd suspension between... goodness knows what. Never mind. I'll seek some semblance of normality somewhere, sometime. Gosh, I really do dislike transitional periods. Miss the things that used to be. Lots and lots of things. But no point staring longingly at what can only be yours for then. Move on move on~

Sch tmr. Yao qu sui le.

Listening to Reader's Digest music complilation of 'Romantic Theme Songs from Movies'. "Dying Young" 's theme song is playing now. *blissful sigh* Beautifully heartwrenching...

wL~! I'm so peeved! Just opened my NUS mail this morning and found that the Econs dept sent me an email yesterday morning... stating that there will be a make-up Econs lecture--oh, today, from 10am to 12 noon. And what time is it now? 12.06pm. Yay. I just missed my first uni lecture. *sigh* Annoying. How come always so last minute? Argh but it's also probably my fault for not faithfully checking my NUS email again and again everyday. I did for a day or two forget about its existence. -_-

Blearghs. By the way that email message shut down my internet explorer when I tried to open it. Hopefully there's no viruses attached. Not very fond of this new ambiguous system when you communicate more to your computer than with people. Blah.

Tempers are flying fast and furious across the house. I thought with no work on Saturdays the mood will be better, but I believe it's a residual thing from last night. Well. That's what happens when family engage in family business, and when the older generation never inculcate simple values or loved their kids enough. If you think untaught kids are scary you should see what they are like as adults.

Better go now. Mustn't spark off another argument. Too much tension, think if everyone stays apart for a short while it may do everyone good. Hm.

Brief updates

Entry begun on Wed 4th Aug but dragged till now -_-

So many things to say, but have no idea where to start. Hm. Spent the day home today after two not very interesting orientation days. (whoa! Charm pon school! Shhhhhh) But anyhow I needed a break to sort out my module bidding and my schedule stuff. Thinking of staying at home for another day to pack my room, but I'll consult my new kakis first...

Mmm. Orientation. Apparently I missed the 'interesting' days, which happened to be Friday and Sat (and Sun?), whilst Monday and its seemingly promising Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony was... uh... not the most interesting affair, to put it nicely. I fell asleep for a while in there. -_- Well. At least now we know that the UCC has awfully comfy seats. =)

Tues was flag day, which I turned up for because I would feel guilty for "not doing my bit for charity", as they so passionately put it in Monday's debrief. Then my OG ended up slacking seven-eighths of the time allocated for flag day, and I returned feeling guiltier. *sigh* But as it is these two days did actually serve their purpose of letting us make new friends... within two days we've already established cliques within the 20-sth ppl OG, mine coincidentally made up of all the shorter girls within the group =P Seriously, we've got the two extremes--the very tall girls and the... er-hm... more vertically challenged girls, with the guys somewhere in between--and the weird thing is that there's a very distinct gap (no pun intended) between these two main groups of girls, though of course maybe it's because we have relatively different points of view (pun intended) ;P Came up with lots of crap during the travelling and slacking time, swapped phone numbers and emails, discussed how the bidding thingies work, mutually decide when to pon orientation... oops. Oh well. *shrugs* Anyhow I'm glad I got to know these people, even if we got together only for a short while... at least we clicked pretty well. Woo~ new kakis ^_^

Uh... I realised I have yet to do concert evaluation. And I got a feeling that tmr's meeting might have something to do with that, and... a certain issue that's also on my mind *ponders* but that's just a guess. And then there's of course the bday =) Wq called to ask if I could make sandwiches or jelly (!?!?!?!?!) out of the blue, which of course I don't think is so very possible here and now, having no ingredients nor any pre-thought-up ideas as to how I would go about preparing them. And I've never made jelly before, now to come to think of it. ~_-

*Sigh* Post this up for now first, matters concerning the concert and its outcome would have to wait. If big occassions like these are not spontaneously typed out immediately thereafter then it becomes very hard to piece it altogether, or at least enough to do the event justice. Think I'll work out how to link up the concert pics to my blog, then put the link up for browsing, which most of you would have already done, but-- *shrugs* We'll see.

Till the next time~

Like to go out for dinner. Especially those with choir people that extend into the later part of the night. *yawns* Tired but content. ^_^

Meeting Maria n Dy tmr for the modular talks. That means must wake up 845 latest. Eeps. Cannot be late. Maybe if Dy n I can turn up early for once then Maria will be late. But that's just wishful thinking because it nv happened before =X Must go on time, Charm! Jia you! Meanwhile, Maria, please learn to be late once in a while ;P

Miss Ong's birthday is coming. Hmmmmmmm...

*yawns* Okay okay. Tired. Keep the rest short, sweet and quick. I got all my modules =) Ohoho. Looking at all the subjects I got I feel like I'm taking A levels all over again. Eng Lang, Chi Lang, Lit, Econs and Maths for breadth this sem. Maybe it's a subconscious thing, going for the same subjects for security. But then again I'm pretty fond of them to begin with. Yes, even Maths. Sometimes. And Chinese too. Sometimes ;P

Spent 300 points on Econs leh. Madness, considering the fact that I'm not thinking of majoring in it. I just kinda miss it, believe it or not. But at least I still got leftover points... if it had been Socio, as my initial plan had gone, or even Psycho, then I'll be seriously bankrupt. Heh.
Okay I must go now. Spent much longer here than intended cos when I highlighted my text on blogger my half-done entry conveniently disappeared. Not for the first time. Should have stuck with typing in notepad first. Bleah.

Longer entry another time peeps~ (Blearghs. This girl is SUCH a procrasinator -_-) Must go! Else tmr Malia diao me with her expressive big eyes again if I come late *scuttles off*

Want to go out for dinner tonight so must be good and pack my messy messy room. Ooo look at the piles of unnecessary matriculation freebie-junk.

*chants to self* Pack pack pack pack...

Someone just made me realise that I haven't been around for her when she needed it. (Would you even have been worried in the first place? If I hadn't been online today and have happened to have met you you would have just gone on with your own peaceful night, logged off and gone to bed, just like you've done every day. You wouldn't have thought about it, you would simply have moved on with your life...) So busy with my own world and my own life that I forgot about someone else's. That doesn't mean that she doesn't matter or that I didn't care, it's just--

*sigh* Suan le. I shan't defend myself anymore. It would simply sound like mere excuses, no matter how much I mean it. Can be an awfully self-absorbed creature sometimes. Yes, I am aware. I like things to go in a nicely patterned manner, like to think there is peace and harmony and love and joy and what have you, like to believe that everyone is good and fine, like to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to what I instinctively feel but refuse to believe. And if you do realise, it does help to make life easier, because if you let things that go wrong get to you, if you are sensitive to every fluctuation in circumstance... all the small matters are gonna be so magnified, and everything is so much bleaker, and then that awful helplessness steps in. It's not like I don't feel -_- I had at some point in time fretted and worried for everything that went wrong for all these certain people, even as I was well aware that I'm in no position to change the situation for the better in any way, then I wondered what the point was after everything. *sigh* Then I realise that it's being awfully selfish. I don't know. Like a automatic rice-cooker, when things get a little too hot to handle you've gotta know when to switch off, or at least maintain at a fairly managable temperature. How do you strike a balance between yourself and others, how do you realise when things go wrong? I digressed. Still think if I had been around when she needed a shoulder to cry on then maybe things would have been... I dunno, better?

Talking in circles, things come back to square one and I'm not making sense... but I need to get this out of the way, this naggy feeling of--of-- I don't know what. Sigh. Put off my giddily-happy-silly-bored-wuliao-descriptive update for a while more. Feel like a little kid being asked to face the wall and reflect... mian bi si guo...

Shall sleep on it, and I promise myself the next entry will be a senselessly chatty one to keep myself up a little. Then meanwhile I shall go and think how to resolve this situation.

*flops over and dies*

Finally finally finally... this html is a killer... pics disappearing for no reason at all... *sticks out tongue* Took one and a half hours to get this one picture right! *shudder* No energy to post entries liao... gotta wait till tmr, yes?