Pictures

Hm. Nice picture uploading program =) Any objections to me uploading post concert people-pictures? Requests for particular photos can be entertained if no one minds... cos I do realise that this is a rather public blog -_-

Let's Begin Again 04: Classy, hmm? Flowers from beloved friends and our concert programme booklet to remember the precious day by =)
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Pre-concert syndromes

Stressed. Jeez. I just get sudden waves of panic washing over me and I get really freaked out. Mostly when I wake up in the morning with songs ringing in my head, or late at night when everyone's asleep.

The concert is too close for comfort, and there're no more pracs in between.
Help.
Must calm down, must calm down.
*sigh*

Not that it should bother me so, except for the fact that it does mean a lot to me, this concert. I wish it wouldn't end so quickly, so abruptly. It's like, no practice next week? Huh?

I want it to continue. The pracs. The dinners. The lunches. The get togethers. The taking-for-granted-that-you're-gonna-see-everyone-again-next-week.

Cadenza hadn't brought about such an onslaught. Cos we do know that, duh, we'll see you when school reopens, what's there to miss?

Too many sudden changes. Not quick enough to process everything, and that throws me off, the slips in control.
Darn.
Nvm. We'll wait and see. Wait for all these school stuff to blow over then must go mug my scores. Uh oh oh oh.

Tedious, tedious shopping...

While a bit of time away before I start calling schools again. Five more minutes. For the teachers to walk from their classroom to their staffroom.

I have squashed all inclination to shop ever more--or at least for the rest of this month--after the Big Hunt for the Huay Huay Dress with my mum on Tuesday. Don't ask me to look at clothes again. No more, no more. Having accidentally stumbled into a shop with an overenthusiastic auntie insisting that I try on every piece of those... those... those... LOUD! coloured! sequined! glittering! painfully huay huay dresses, bulldozing all my protests-- "No girl, you must try! You don't know how you will look until you try!" After dress number 2, of which she took much pleasure in playing dress-up with me, pulling here and tucking there, I was quite done with the entire affair. Told her, with much vigourous head shaking, that I really really do not fancy this kind of... uh... clothing... no offense to the tastes of that designer son of hers who thinks that ooohhh-how-sweet-you-look-like-a-perfect-little-barbie-doll-princess, which is exactly what I do not want to look like, because I am by no means skinny enough to carry it off nor mature enough to look go in extremely oriental-flowered-styled-sequinted-shimmering-figure-wrapping-front-dipping-back-baring designs, thank you very much. *shudder*

Very tedious, going in and out and in and out of all these random shops in town, trying out weird combinations of clothing that one does not usually consider wearing. It does get remotely amusing, however, then whenever my mum or I pick up a huay huay top the salesgirl nearby would instantly approach my mum--"Would you like this in your size, mam?" only to be told that "Actually, Miss, we're looking for something for her." "Oh." *momentary silence* "How about the plain tops, Miss?" *sigh* "No, actually, I need a flowered top for a performance..." "Oh! For dancing?" Goodness. This must have been scripted, I tell you... Wonder which is more tedious... trying on the same kind of flowered dresses from different shops all over town or answering the same questions from different people all over town. -_-
Anyhow. I got my dress. After a four hour walkathon. So I shall stop whining about it and spare everyone a earful =P Was out with Shell the following day and my eyes were automatically straying to anything that's remotely flowery. *cringe* But at least this time we were out to scout for nice plain tees... Ended up with mugs and earrings and things like that but no clothes. Hm. But anyhow it was good to see Shell again, even if it's only for a couple of hours. =)

Frivolous pursuits aside ;P Was reading my weekly newspaper a couple of days ago, and came upon a really really good article. It's actually a prize-winning commonwealth essay piece entitled What the Modern Woman Wants. It's a very local, very perceptive, very beautiful piece of writing... Do go and read it--P24 of Sunday Times. Goodness, it's been so long since I've read a narrative essay, and such a poignantly moving one as this. Gives you space to ponder upon her story--how it reflects our life, our pursuits, our values... I quote:
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistant prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of orgami banknotes.....
Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain gods... But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life... All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her, and leave her an empty soulless shell at the altar... Gosh. Let this be a reminder that this is what I must never never be, in this horrifically materialistic, success-oriented world =( If there is one thing I cannot bear, it is the sheer emptiness of... of... well, of purpose, of love, of living, of life. The girl in the story will never find true happiness until she understands that it is the intangible things that truly matter, that which is firmly planted in the depths of our hearts. Like her mum's self-sacrificial love for the daughter who wouldn't even care.

*blinks* Oh well. Just go read it, and tell me what you think. And reflect... it might work wonders for the following prac when we do 'Seasons of Love' =) Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear... so often do we tend to squander them away, so recklessly. *sigh* Time to work it out and piece things together again, girl. Every minute, every moment, to be woven into your life, to fill up the little empty holes... To make for a more wholesome rather than hole-some life, yes? =)

Dress

Oh, and I found my second half dress yesterday... so yay to that, too! I like it... huay but not awful... ahaha... Just don't ask me how much it costs k... It's a sEnSiTiVe issue...

Broadband!

Yay! I got broadband! *sings* Happy happy...

Busy Thursday

I tried to change my html. Keyword: Tried. After going to 'view source' from three other nice blogs and not understanding how the horrendously jargonised stuff works I decided I shall not continue for now, and opt for an easier alternative, ie, coming here to whine about it. Haha, no, it's not constructive, I realised ;o)

Yesterday was a good day, which puts me in a good mood for today as well. I accomplished quite a few things! 1) Went back to NY to collect my cert, 2) Went for my medical exam 3) Applied for my concession tix 4) Spent the remaining time buying concert shoes with Maria and Dyana (Okay, that was probably the one main thing I really looked forward to doing, the former accomplishments being really good excuses to let everyone feel better about it, but nobody needs to know that, right? ;P)

Hm. NY has become throughly old-student-unfriendly. We spent more than half an hour walking rounds and making detours because of the humongous construction going on. But then again, what's new? It's quite ironic actually. Last time we used to make so much noise about finding a way out when we're trapped inside the school, and now we're making noise about finding a way in when we're trapped outside. Hee... Anyhow there is only one main way into the building now, what with the side doors locked fast and the hoardings sealing off various other exits. Oh, the staff room has now installed this auto-locking door system, a replica of what they have at MOE--you need an electronically coded card for access, without which you would need to intercom in to ask for someone in there to receive you. Hey, I've got more than a fair share of waiting outside glass doors and running to catch the doors before they shut back at MOE--Madhu used to say that it's become a distinctly instinctive reaction for me -_- So we didn't have access into the staff room also, but I did get to speak to Mr N and Mrs T... oh, and to advertise for the concert, too. Got the "leave your number with me, I'll contact you again" reply, which wouldn't have been so bad a response had I not heard it twice over from teachers and office staff alike from 11 other schools. Whoa. Not that I was bothered much by it, because I know they are a lot more likely to reply than the unknown teachers, but the phrase just struck me as creepily familiar. *shudder*

Shopped for shoes with Maria and Dyana! It was madness... we did a lot of walking that day, from the detours all round NY to Serangoon station to take train to NUS when we got down at the wrong bus stop to the medical checkup point to the bus stop where we took another wrong bus to the MRT to all around town for two pairs of shoes. Bwahahaha... I think we ought to get our directions right first before we wander about so avidly =P Anyway after two hours of moving from one shoe shop to another we did manage to find covered shoes to match D's and M's outfits... and they were very pretty! They got two different colours of the same design... one pink and one white... hee I was debating whether I oughta get the beige pair or not, so that we'll all turn up in the same kind of shoes, albeit in three different colours ^_^ But I didn't lar, in the end. It was still an amusing thought though. Anyhow it was there was a tremendous sense of accomplishment--two thirds of our party got their shoes!--so at least we won't be returning home empty-handed after an entire day out =P As for me--I found my pair of shoes after turning out our shoe cupboard at home. Amazing--I could still fit into them after three? four? years... So for now there's no need to fret. I only need to reach a conclusion on which blouse-and-skirt I ought to choose out of my sole two huay-huay tops.

Met up with my mum after that to go watch a dance concert with her, a combined effort by an association and a CC. Uh... I didn't exactly like it very much. Not just because of the fact that my mum has a rather intimidating friend--very cheena, with her very crisp vocabulary, very polished, very perfectionist, very pointed in speech and rather pompous, although, granted, she was friendly enough... There's just something unreadable and unreachable that put me somewhat ill at ease...

Kk I digressed... back to the concert. It started about twenty minutes later than the stated time, which kinda annoyed me already, having walked my feet to bits the whole day and was already in the stoning stage... then the minute the emcees came out to speak I was--bleah. Totally miserable. Don't know about the rest of you, but it really really aggravates me when the Masters of Ceremonies don't deliver their speeches as they should. Goodness... all the slanging and the swallowing of consonants and the distorting of vowels and the mispronounciations and the wrong translations... both the Chinese and English versions for their speeches. Reminded me of certain assembly mornings when Shell and I will hiss simultaneously under our breaths and cringe -_- Ouch.

That wasn't the main point, I guess, though it bothered me enough randomly throughout the show. The dances were... okay, I guess. It seemed a very... solo... kinda thing, you don't feel the synchonised movement of the groups along with the music, but more like everyone is focusing on dancing her own part. So the fluidity was kinda disrupted. But they do have some pretty admirable pieces--the dances with a livelier theme and a more relaxed mood have a much higher energy level and more exuberance, which felt good to watch, even though it was still a bit luan. All in all, I daresay, it was still not bad an effort... A performance is not always easy to put together, afterall. So must appreciate a bit more, though I was admittably sore at certain points =X

That should be about it for the day... oh, and just a sidenote-- it did feel good to be back in the VCH vicinity, even though then show was held at the theatre-- it's a pleasant feeling to be back on familiar grounds again. The place simply tingles with choir-y memories... More to come, I guess, in a couple of weeks from now. So till the next time, take care, drink more water, leave more notes, and update, people! =)

Japanese Name

My japanese name is 吉国 Yoshikuni (good fortune country) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Wow. So patriotic. But "Charmaine" means something totally different though.

My japanese name is 原 Hara (wilderness) 歩 Ayumi (walk, deeper meaning: walk your own way).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Ohoho. Lo and behold that one day when I can finally "walk my own way"... Though I sincerely hope it won't be in the wilderness...

12/7/04

While waiting for Wen to come online I shall do a quick quick entry.

No one's updating! Why? Seems like everyone is really busy. Hm. With the exception of me, that is. Barely more than a week at home, and I'm already bored. I think I'm about done memorising my first half pieces already (no, Clara, Maria, don't glare at me =X)... left a couple more songs but I better go through again to make sure.

Oh, and I'm done with the choir album I started putting together since Dec. Very very s-l-o-w, yes, I know. Left off captioning and putting nice backgrounds behind the photographs halfway, so I guess I could work on that, too.

Tried to finish up a John Grisham book from my Reader's Digest Select Editions today, but found that it gets rather dry after awhile. I don't think litigations and stocks and torts really appeal to me -_- Ew. And that's already the abridged version. Don't want to think what the complete volume will be like. Decided to get down to reading my NUS Acceptance Record Undertakings and Authorizations instead, and discovered that it didn't make for much interesting reading either. They would have to repeat the same idea in ten different ways to make sure it covers every possible situation, to the point where the idea will be lost on me halfway through, which means that I would have to read it over again. *sigh* But I think the gist of it goes about the lines of "I shall be good and follow your rules and not get you or myself into unnecessary trouble", which I suppose is fine by me. Mm. Only thing I gotta work out now is the loan and module-registration what-have-yous.

Hm. I would like to go out. Want to make one trip back to SN for a nice bit of reminiscising (Da? Gill? Cyn? Yeesh?) and maybe we can go sing at the sunken forum again! Or go hang at the bball court... Play piano outside MPR... Skip skip skip down the length of the track... Drink ice milo and eat shortbread at the canteen... Go roof garden and scream at the top of our voices... Pop in at choir prac if they have prac on that day and say hi to Mrs Ong and see the new lot of juniors and feel remarkably old... (Is anyone tempted enough to accompany me yet? =) ) It's close to national day now and I was wondering if they would play the national day songs over the PA like we used to do early in the morning... There's nothing quite like singing Jia in SN (then ripple ripple ripple ;P) or going 'where I beLONG! where I keep my heart and SOUL!' in those crazily high whole-school sing-along sessions the half-day before National Day, staying back to sit at the specs stand after everyone has gone or going down for tau huay and thereafter a nice swing in the playground down the road to D's house... Hm. Okay. Now that I've talked myself into all these again there's no backing out. Someone will go back with me, right? (hint hint =P)

Gotta make another trip back to NY, too, for the cert collection and to pop in the staff room to say hi to all the teachers we know. And to badger them into buying tickets. Aha ;o) Probably won't be able to meet the choir cos our timing won't coincide, though I would like to. Hm. At least to have a look at the new batch of year ones, and see what the new com is like. Oh, and to go and disturb Miss Ong for a while, although we do see her on weekends =P Hm. And I must remember to get round to addressing her by her name sometime.

Feels like I'm retracing my steps... Maybe one more trip back to Rosyth would be nice also, though the new school building is nothing quite like the small little compound that made up the primary school I knew. Oh well. Things change. Whether you want them to or not... And thereafter it's to Uni we go... Can you imagine? We've come a long long way since then, and there is still a long long way to go, but this time there're gonna be less safety nets, less structure, less of what we've always known. One more step towards adulthood. One leap into the unknown. We've spent so much of our life studying, moving in the same, familiar patterns, somehow this blurry mess of unknown, this unplanned, unstructured future unnerves me. Independance, growing up, growing awareness and responsibilities... There have been a lot of times I wished it wouldn't be so, that growing up is not a necessity, that things would remain uncomplicated, that each situation would always fall nicely into place. Live like the Happy Prince inside the palace that keeps all unhappiness out. But that is terribly unrealistic, and not very fair to those who would have to come face to face with the harshness of reality everyday. *shrugs* We all get our share, I guess. But I shall try to stay optimistic =) One step at a time, and things should work out to be fine. There's really no point to go fretting all over the place. Eh. Better remind myself to keep that in mind. Not always something I stick by, I daresay. But anyhow, I'm glad that in this journey I've got my family and my friends with me. Home, school, choir... all the people I've known in there and played a part in my life... thank you =) To go with the blackout-theme-of-the-month, you are the indispensable streetlamps that put me on the right track and steer me clear of unnecessary crashes. And, if you would allow me to take a shot in the dark--no pun intended-- for all those who are in a pretty dark stretch of road now, here's a bit of light from me to you, too. This streetlamp will be shining for you, don't forget that =)

What kind of key signature are you?

Eb major - you are warm and kind, always there for
your friends, who are in turn there for you.
You are content with your confortable life and
what you are currently achieving; if you keep
in this state you will go far.


what key signature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

...

Worried worried worried worried worried
Fret fret fret fret fret

Don't want anything to change. Need a constant, need an equilibrium, need assurance.

*sigh* Just let things be all right, k?

Achievement!

Woohoo~ Wen n Agl came over yesterday... and we finished up our beloved junk of a birthday present! (No, it isn't as bad as it sounds, seriously, there's quite a literal meaning attached to it *winks* hor agl hor) And it looks so good! Absolutely luxurious piece of junk... Feel so proud of our handiwork =) Cheers!

Put in quite a fair bit of pics into the memoir as well... weehee... it looks better every day! Gotta ask them down for evaluation and touch-up another day. Hmm. Am quite sure our birthday girl will be touched =) 4 months of planning and hard work went into the whole construction k?

School-calling had no progress today. Why are these teachers so very very very busy? I suspect they stuff their phones into their drawers so they cannot hear them -_- Never mind. Try again tomorrow. We will not fail! *shakes fist*

Okay. That was corny. It's 1 am at night now... Finished two rounds of Hexic (I got a very high score! Yay!) and am still talking to Cl n Wq on MSN. I've overshot online time again. Ahhh... Charm! Get your broadband! Get your new hp plan too! Stop procrasinating!

I think I kinda got Bonjour liao, scoreless =) The French words just go on and on in my head. Especially the blossoming field of towgays after Bar 33. Ironic that the first two syllables of that line sounds like "Messy"... the wonders of poor pronounciation. =P Try spotting the hidden foods in your first half pieces... from "shui2 guo3" to "teh-o" to "lu3 ya1"... Might help you remember better ;o)

K. have in mind what I'm gonna do tmr so don't feel quite as dreary =) Must post and log off now... no more wasting online time!

Restrictions

How do I put this? I'm showing a preference for something over another, which is, strictly speaking, not correct. But there is no right or wrong where one's personal preferences lie, is there? Was reading through my previous entries (in an offline diary inaccessible to all, so don't speculate) and realised a marked difference in perspective... built up by gradual acclimatisation, if you could call it that, and somehow, even as initial goals and desires remained the same, something else has changed.

"Men are born free, but are everywhere in chains." Rousseau
Just an idea that struck me suddenly. Remembered this quote I got from my Gothic Lit. May be inaccurate, I dunno. But we are so often bound by society, by the norm, by expectations, by morals, by civilisation, by so many things... we do have very little freedom to work with what we want, don't we?

Just a random thought. Not like me to post dark lit quotes and relating to them, at least not here of all places, but certain few things of similar nature are bugging me and I need to let off steam, but am still being awfully cryptic, deliberately vague and not getting to the point. Simply because I don't want to know how much the point might hurt, because people will go and read between the lines and perhaps get sensitive about certain issues. I don't want them to do that and I don't want any questions asked and I don't need any sleepless night from anyone. Or guilt or disappointment or dismay or despair or any bad feelings of any sort.

*blows out air* Sorry. Really needed to get that out of the way. Shouldn't let certain things get onto my nerves. Just complicates things. So blip it, delete it, put it aside. Am going to unknot certain issues in due time, but now is definitely not it. *Shrugs* We'll see.

Listlessness

Listless, so very listless. With her hands poised over her keyboard she began to tap through her words, almost desperately-- she needs to work this listlessness out of her system. No, not just listlessness. It's a curious mixture of emotions, a glowing spark of anger, flickering wildly like a flame in the wind, sudden tenseness, growing uneasiness, and a gnawing fear... Goodness, what is wrong? She hates this suspension, this... emptiness. Her brows furrowed, listening to the whirr of the computer, the twitter of the night insects, the steady splashes of the water fountain outside. Maybe she should just switch on her CD player. Or... or... Wavering in her indecision, she sighed. Never mind.

More stuff. Damn. I'm really peeved now. It's awful to be so angry and not lose your temper. *swallows* And then some. Why do I have to feel guilty everytime I'm angry? I have a right to that too. Just because people have it worse, just because of these endless, endless circumstances... *deep breath* No. I won't go into that.

It's equilibrium all upset again. Must... work... out... something. I need more self time. To sort things out. Literally. Packing my room would probably make me feel better. Systematic, organised, decent, proper, and hence guilt-free. Brainless routine work is sometimes therapeutic. Oh, goodness. So stifled.

Want everyone to be okay. Always this desperate wish, over and over again. Want some semblance of normality but normailty has decided to settle with a dull angsty mood for the vast majority for now. Don't want to believe that. When things hit a low it's gonna get better thereafter somehow. Then maybe normality can be restored to a proper happy one. Putting my faith in that. Tomorrow will be a better day. Don't doubt.

Progressing...

Progress~! Only four more songs left to memorise. Cheers! It's actually not as hard as imagined, most of them have already gone into the subconsicousness liao. Just needed slight revision and looking into certain notes. By the way, I think I really like Summertime. Gives me a good feeling =) cos it was one of the songs that was really hard to pick up, but it sounds so good after everything falls in place during combined. Aha... Sense of achievement.

Today's Sunday Life has a lot of interesting articles. It's been some time since I've sat down to read a paper. Hm. Oh, and I had done an entry on Tuesday's blackout but was only halfway thru it, till now, but if you would turn to Sunday Life's page 14 and read Sumiko Tan's article it should be thereabouts the same -- simply because I live just next door ^_^

Alone at home now. Good good opportunity to up the midi volume and sing and talk to myself and be noisy without disturbing anyone so I shan't spend too much time here =)

Dm dm de dm...

*hums* dm dm de dm...

Happy happy =) Prac n dinner often puts me in a good mood, as long as I don't get scolded when I get home. And I didn't... dare I hope that this means I can stay out late on prac days? Hm. Should not raise my own expectations. We'll see.

Waiting for my hair to dry, and abandoning all attempts to write a nice long entry because I seriously spend too much time on one single entry. No more no more... Quick Charm! Promise to keep all your sentences short and sweet k...

Want to sing sing sing some more tomorrow =) Had photo-taking today. Like taking pictures most of the time but the wacky shot was quite a disaster *cringe* Now I know I'm deficient in spontaneous wackiness. Not good not good.

Did Amazing Grace amidst quite a few second half songs today, together with the solo part. I need to work the air out of my B -_- Surprising how comfortable a note G seems after a few rounds of FGBs... Hm. Must work on it. Probably after checking out my surroundings first. Neighbours likely to think I'm shrieking the house down because something bad has happened. But despite everything I think I still like that part. It sounds good together, and it's actually quite a thrill to sing =P Just so long as it turns out good and nice on the actual day.

Right. Pretty woozy now. Mind is already not functioning in a completely sane mode so dropping off to sleep would probably be a good idea. Till next time =) (Yes! I kept this entry short!)