Kopped from Amanda's blog!

Charm is quite happy! She finished her Faustus essay and her Joseph Andrews and Shamela, which she thought was never ending even though it was quite a hilarious read at certain points. Now she only needs to cover Shakespeare's sonnets, Marvell's poetry, Donne's poetry, Emma, and one eighteenth-century essay by Wed to be more or less on time.

Should probably also read Villette and some more Tristam Shandy, but that will probably come after the Vathek presentation. Oh, and must also remember not to start so last-minute for the remaining three essays [not counting the two due this week] and two presentations. Jeez... At least SS presentation and mini-film-project are group work...

Many thank yous to the people I've whined at throughout my essay-writing, you know who you are =) There's more to go, as you can see, so brace yourselves ;)

I wanna take intro to film for lit one of these coming sems! 6 movies might be a little less heavy than 6 books... At least the longest film will take you only three hours to complete... The longest book takes you weeks can...

Yay~ I shall talk nonsense and garble syntax and content and write out of point stuff, simply because I can! And not be graded somemore! hohoho! it's a luxury ok, i've been writing carefully all day.

oh crap, look... "There will be some printed materials available in the English Department for next week's lecture by the end of the week. They consist of extracts from critical writings. Please, collect and read in good time, as the lecture won't make much sense without them." *sobs* what, we haven't been reading enough? I know these "extracts", and they're not always thin reader-friendly pieces. And I just realised I've clean forgotten one module... I haven't touched Anthropology readings since eons ago! AHHHH!

I think I'm being very noisy here. Should probably retire to bed after perusing my next essay question and reading that nice interesting article in reader's digest that goes "don't be shy". For people who have yet to try this fun and interactive adjective clicking thingie, click here.

I think the next time I read this entry I'll probably get so aggravated with the small CaPs in the wrong places i'll delete this, or edit it. haha... but as it is I have no time anyway, though I'm dying to watch Howl's moving castle... Be resolute, my heart! Do thy essay!

can't believe the nonsense I'm spouting. bit delirious. oh well. till the next saner moment~

To my dear SC girls, a big big big big thank you for tonight :) I know it's a bit ridiculous to go "thank you for coming out together", but I'm just tremendously glad to be out with you guys again, brief as it is, talking over coffee till almost midnight, that warmth that comes so easily and stretches all the way back to early days...

Friends do so keep me sane sometimes, simply by being just who they are :) What would I do without all of you?

Oh, and a big congrats to dear Miss Producer for her lovely production~! You really could see, and appreciate, the effort and energy woven into this whole thing =) Good luck for tmr night yah?

_____________________________

Late nights out induce a lot of thoughts... There's so much to catch up on, beyond essays, beyond books... I need to catch up on my friends' lives, people whom I haven't seen for ages (I saw Marianne today! and two primary school classmates!)

I need to catch up with my life, too. Catch up, perhaps, with growing up, because all of a sudden I feel so behind. I feel so out of touch with reality sometimes, and those moments when I return, it's almost like I don't... quite... grasp...

It's a distant distant comprehension of things, like the way one analyses literature texts belonging to another era quite beyond yours. How they all relate, universally, but is still not entirely you. Like gazing at the world around you through a mirror reflection. Real, but not quite real.

I don't really say this, perhaps because it is one of those small things that probably don't matter, but to be perceived as small and cute and innocent is sometimes really quite... disturbing. Of course it's only a brief comment, maybe a compliment, casually tossed out (maybe one time too many), yet sometimes the thought of it scares me. There's nothing lasting in that, nothing that is dependable, nothing that promises survival in the long run. Cute things are for display purposes only. Sit behind a glass enclosure sheltered from the world and looking, but never quite part of it all.

I like to think, sometimes, that I'm more real than just that...

I guess, for a person who has taught herself to be content with being, it is perhaps time to learn to be in a state of becoming. Changes used to intimidate me... and yes, it does intimidate me still, but staticity is equally scary, for it promises a greater loss, for the world will continue to spin. With or without you.

*sigh*

Growing up need not be quite so bleak, yes? Yet it's strange how these angst is so characteristically incorporated into this process.

Don't worry, I'm not depressed, just a bit contemplative for a while :) But I really should get on with catching up with my work already.

I just realised this blog is updated almost everyday. *horrified*

You've got two essays to write, my dear girl! Books to read!

And what's worse, I am, as of just now, a happy owner of Howl's Moving Castle the VCD.

Someone snap me out of this.

PS. I think writing lyrical stories puts me in a good mood :) It's very therapeutic, and I no longer feel like --- *shrugs* It's been ages since I wrote fictional compositions, and I used to enjoy them a tremendous lot. I still enjoy them, except maybe now I kinda realised that there's always more to a story that what you read, whether on the side of the writer or reader... the story meant something to me, maybe it will mean something to you, too... always something to take away, as Gill and Sharon showed me :)

Kopped from Eme and Siyi... I think this is going around pretty quickly... quick, what do you think of Charm? Go click a few adjectives, and for goodness sake you don't need to be too nice k...

Johari Window:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=CharmYik

Nohari Window
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Charmyik
(I find this very hard to do... Eme, I can't find enough to make up 5 negative adjectives for you...!)

Remark: How come they don't have stuff like "freaking procrasinator" and "unsure" and "slow" and "exasperating" and "unmotivated" and "slack" and "self-centred" and "unresponsive" and "inarticulate" and "stubborn" and... oh well, If I were really to come up with my list of flaws I can produce another boxful of alternative negative adjectives for myself haha... and as for the strengths... *ponders* no, I don't think I could do that. It's odd how a person could be so conscious of the flaws within her, hardly definable with single-worded adjectives, but is barely aware of her strengths (what strengths?)... Yet when it comes down to doing other people's adjectives it's so much easier to pick out the good adjectives than the bad... Hm. Paradoxical me.

Do them first quick, before you scroll down to the results... No peeking hor...












My results

Arena (known to self and others) cheerful, happy, idealistic, reflective, self-conscious	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, calm, caring, clever, complex, confident, dependable, friendly, giving, helpful, intelligent, kind, loving, modest, observant, organised, patient, sensible, sentimental, silly, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm
Façade (known only to self) introverted	Unknown (known to nobody) able, adaptable, bold, brave, dignified, energetic, extroverted, independent, ingenious, knowledgeable, logical, mature, nervous, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, shy, spontaneous, tense, wise, witty

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (10%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (10%) caring (40%) cheerful (30%) clever (20%) complex (10%) confident (10%) dependable (10%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (40%) giving (10%) happy (40%) helpful (20%) idealistic (20%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (20%) introverted (0%) kind (10%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (20%) mature (0%) modest (20%) nervous (0%) observant (10%) organised (10%) patient (20%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (50%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (10%) sensible (20%) sentimental (10%) shy (0%) silly (10%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (10%) tense (0%) trustworthy (50%) warm (20%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 21.2.2006, using data from 10 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view CharmYik's full data.

Oi, no one says that I'm introverted yet. Weird. I'm very shy one you know =P

Conversation with the rain-child

"What are you doing, little rain-child?"
"Scattering raindrops. Look, it's a misty light shower down on earth now."
"Ay, child. The farmer must be delighted."
"Alas, no. Look."
"Indeed! Why is he frowning so, why does his family look so miserable? "
"Because he believes the drizzle to be a thunderstorm, and tells them that it will destroy his crops, for they are too weak to withstand the shower."
"Too weak! But have they not ploughed the plantation and made the soil loose and moist, and do all they could to make the crops grow?"
"That is what I mean. The crops will survive, for they are a product of hard work, and the rain will let them grow strong and healthy. Yet the farmer sees them small and yellowed, and cries for the sun, for his cousin on the sunny offshore island have green, leafy plantations bigger and stronger than his is now."
"His cousin has had that plantation for years, longer than he..."
"I begged the sun child to send his rays upon the farmer's crops, too, for I cannot bear to see them sad, but the sun child says no, he cannot."
"Indeed he cannot, my child, and you know why. The crops must learn to withstand the occasional rains to emerge stronger than ever, and to grow. Should the farmer have sun all day, his crops will never be as hardy..."
"The sun child says, give him a year or more, for if he were to give the young farmer all the sun he could have now, everytime he expects it, his family will cease to work hard... but I can't help feeling sad, still."
"Why, child?"
"He has no faith in the work he had put in, that his family has put in, how the rain has moistened the soil, how their ploughing and fertilising had made the soil rich, and all it takes is just consistent work to make them grow well... He does not see that with each year, the volume of his harvest grows, but laments the weaker crops that wither in the process, the waste, and blames his family and himself for the negligence that brings about the wasted percentage..."
"Yet it is not possible, a full harvest. There will be some crops who will never make it..."
"Alas, how true..."
"Have faith in them, little one. The next harvest will be a better one."
"I do have faith in them. Always have. I can only wish that they could have a little more faith in themselves, too."

Fragments of experimentation

s'not even a freakin molehill and then this mountain just comes out of nowhere like a bolt from the blue but is freakin no more than just a castle in the air and then what not as though the glass is empty strange how people don't know that the water is in there but is unperceived because it is transparent yes but i must not say............

______________________________________________

: You're overreacting.
: Am I, you think?
: *long pause*
: You know.
: *gestures helplessly* Well I know that it means a l-
: Ah. Then you know why. It was not neccessary--
: But it was an awakening. Of some sort of an awareness--
: Awakening, my foot. You always think I don't see. So does everyone else. Hello, everytime I am aware, I must make a hullaballoo so that everyone knows, is it? Then the noise I make will never cease, I tell you. You want me to start now? *raises voice* AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH.......
: *hastily* okay okay I get it, hush hush...
: Tis not called an absence of prior knowledge, ok? It was just that it never even freaking existed, hello, and suddenly, bam! hailstorm. hooray. You want melodramtic music with that? Or something soothing and sentimental? You can write me a scripted speech to recite, I know you and your reigning diplomacy and tactfulness...
: You just had to remind me. Thanks for your vote of confidence.
: Boring job. I sympathise. Totally.
: *rolls eyes* Hush already, you talk too much.
: Only if you understand. *smiles* My stand still holds, though. I freaking cannot bear people who o-
: Just like the way you do.
: True. Chain reaction, you know?
: *shakes head* Comes full circle, does it not? Tsk, you people...
____________________________________________________


and you expect it to be so.
still.
indeed.
has nothing ever changed?
i don't believe in static states.
i believe that people feel
as i do too. the bond
between people
is too precious
and i would rather you not
break it with your consciousness
bleakness, too, is a human construct
can you let such notions go
and set yourself free?

Vday 2006

[...edited...]

Is it just me, or are blogspot sites loading extra slowly recently? Gah. Tagboard's wonky also... But do leave a ripple as an alternative, k =)

That said...

Happy Valentine's Day People! =)

Having no significant other this Valentine's day (as my little brother had taken care to remind me consistently at the dinner table when everyone else is around) doesn't quite mean that it cannot be enjoyable, still. After the initial cringing at the paper hearts fluttering on the AS1 ceiling, and the pink balloons lining the corridor, and people get a little more touchy-feely than usual (ouch!), and wondering wistfully where that one elusive person is, you learn to deal with it, and then everything settles quite nicely.

It's quite a warm fuzzy thing really, if you ignore the lovey-dovey bits and the commercialised hype, though I must admit that I've been quite pampered by dear friends who would stay up the night before to fold tissue roses and paper tulips and sew felt hearts and package sweets and write sweet postcards, and for whom I'll spend the pre-Vday night scribbling stuff to transfer into tiny wallet-sized cards... J2 year was one of the most memorable, I think, when SC had quite a flurry of stuff going around (yah Eme, I remember Clara's foam alphabet thingie too!) Handmade and handwritten stuff weaves a lot more meaning into mere gifts, somehow... though eventually what really matters is the thought that you're just glad to have these bunch of people in your life =)

The other feel-good factor probably comes from the fact that everyone's in too playful a mood to get down to proper lessons and mugging-mode without feeling just a little more festive with flower stalks, balloons and stuff toys atop their desks, and attempts to coax teachers out of intensive grilling with chocolates and sweets (not that it works, lar) but lessons don't get quite so dreary.

Last year's Vday was spent at Munchie's with Reso on our first official gig ever...

The beginnings of our bantering-- Judging by the arrangement onstage, with Amanda and SueAnn offstage corner, it should be the pre-Boardwalk talk... Cheryl has the "I'm asking Derek a difficult question" look on her face... and Derek doesn't look too happy =P We haven't changed that much for in-between-songs dynamics, have we? *grins*

This year's Vday was spent a cappella-ing with Reso, too! This time around we were down for two sets of performances at the Central Forum for the launch of *switches to radio friendly tone* RadioPulze, NUS's very own radio station!

(Took lots and lots of piiiictures! *bounces in delight* And some group photos are very pretty! Many thanks to Davina and Shuying for the pretty shots~)


Pre-performance pic!~ Haiyoh, one year later, and Derek (still) doesn't look very happy...

It was quite an experience, singing at the forum... Learnt first-hand bits of stuff that hadn't been quite so obvious to me before this. Like why levelling out volume for all mikes, and asking our sound engineer politely to never never change the settings, was majorly important. I shouldn't whinge about all the technical soundboard going-ons that made the huge difference between a disturbingly icky first set and the untouched and (hence) much-more-decent second set, but it was quite a stark realisation of how much difference little alterations make. And how much warmer an a cappella soloist sounds when his/her background comes out clearly.

I like our second set =) A lot, partly because of song selection, partly because the mike settings were level and unaltered through that set, partly because we got a bit more high *grins* Bring Me To Life is exhilarating when we get into the mood =P

More pictures!

Onstage, at the corner of the forum. We blend quite nicely with the stage settings =P


The girls...


The guys...

Reso-mates and the audience...

Two of my favourite pictures =) I love the colour scheme!

Cheers, OOPs!

CHARM! I'm seriously peeved with you... It's not like you don't know what to say, more like you don't know how to say things... Why why why why, my dear girl? Do you realise that there are all these instances in which you were actually right? And all it takes is to put pen to paper and get the idea down? Or to open your mouth and speak instead of mulling over it for another 10 seconds and have the entire topic pass you by?

Argh!!!

Oh, to be able to talk in a stream of fluidity that isn't held prisoner by hesitation and doubt. AHHHHH! Freaking aggravating. You've got to teach yourself to be more at ease with yourself in all sorts of circumstances, Charm, and quit holding back in deathly fear of potentially revealing your ignorance already, or how are you ever ever gonna learn? But how how how does one think on her feet, to give instantaneous reactions and responses in every situation, without stumbling or drawing a blank? *sigh*

That said, you should probably realise that if I could talk to you in a cheerful babble of nonsense you should be quite quite honoured, because it means that I am comfortable enough in your presence. Thank goodness for friends in which whose presence reminds me that I can be coherent before a group of people still. And for family, as well... in fluent Chinese somemore okay! I just need to figure how to remain so before everyone else without floundering. Help.

________________________________________

Unrelated matter:

Kopped from Jeremy's blog =)




New goal by Year 3 Sem 2: Reach those insanely high notes with equal ease and fluidity =)

Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Flavour Test

CHERRY GARCIA! You scored 74% SWEET, 55% CHUNKY, and 62% UNIQUE!

cherry sweet cream base with cherries and fudge chunks Awesome...you are one of my personal favs: Cherry Garcia. You fall in the middle on all measurements- sweet, wild, and unique, but not overwhelmingly so on any of those. You make a good friend, able to share your unique perspectives on things, and able to have fun without winding up in jail or something. Good job.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 49% on SWEET You scored higher than 11% on CHUNKY You scored higher than 41% on UNIQUE

Link: The Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor Test written by weered1 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

____________________

Oh, good. I like my ice-creams not-too-sweet, nor too exotic either, so this is thereabouts just nice =)

My dear girl, you should be studying, or sleeping. Not gazing blissfully at your computer just because you're finally done with your Volpone discussion/debate points. There is still a Moll Flanders report and Tristam Shandy and Shakespeare's sonnets and Keats, and a double lecture and a double tutorial.

*pause* I wish...

Oh well, I shan't. One thing at a time, and you've got to work things out yourself, Charm, stuff you understand and stuff you do not, stuff you linger over wondering... remember the Romantic poets-- it is the struggle for understanding and realisation that really matters =) Speaking of which, Keat's poems are absolutely beautiful.

And while we're on Romanticism, albeit only linguistically related, V-day is coming! I have an extremely packed an unromantic week of a test and an essay deadline and a gig, which I know I really shouldn't be fretting about but-- oh, the temptation to lapse into melodramtic wails. Perhaps I should, huh, I need to stretch my higher range and work some flexibility into my voice.

Vday brings to mind SN and NY and cards and fanciful gift exchange. Nothing extravagant, mind you, I don't believe in expensive gifts. (It also brings to mind Total Defence Day, which is the day after, and which is the birthday of a certain dear friend whom I tease every year because we commemerate the nation's succuumbing to the Japanese on her special day, and have a lot of NE talks -_-'' , but I digress)

And what is Valentine's Day, indeed, without flowers? Or at least the fervour of selling roses and bouquets and posters all over arts canteen =) I used to wonder... actually I still do, which is so unromantic, I know, but why bouquets of flowers? Where did this practice of snipping flowers off their bushes or plucking them from the soil where they grew and wrapping them in pretty paper come from? These beautiful, delicate little things that last for but days, and withers away... *frowns* then what's THAT supposed to signify, symbolically? It perturbs me, but only just a little, since I know you aren't supposed to read into things like that, you're supposed to be swept away by the romance of beauty and convention mingled. Oh well.

It's probably unrealistic to request for flowers the way I love them-- rooted, blooming, exuberant in its natural habitat, dancing and dipping in the wind. The more care you put into nurturing it the leafier and stronger it grows... it works out to be a better metaphorical significance, anyhow. But for practicalities sake we shall set the thought aside... It's a bit unglam to hold pots of flowers while parading round the school... You can probably compare how big your bouquets are, the more exaggeratedly huge the better, but if the flowers come in pots... *imagines her grandpa's largest pot of bougainvilla and grins* You'll need nothing less than a wheelbarrow to go with it =)

Which isn't such a bad idea really, if it's delivered to your doorstep =P Now, if anybody asks, I'm partial to orchids, potted in charcoal and all. Otherwise a packet of sunflower seeds works, too... I shall plant them nicely and sing to them every day, and if they wither like the roses wrapped in a flourish of paper and ribbons, then... well. Then we know. =)

Some observations

1) Prac at 6 tmr! We're miking up (at last!) and probably testing the distorter thingie. Guess what? I just remembered I have a 6-8pm makeup lecture tmr. Am chairing discussion for Volpone with two other girls on Monday. *sobs* I hope he's not doing Volpone for lecture. Chaaaarm! Haiyerrrr~

Would it be crazy to opt to go prac instead of lect? No, don't tell me, I don't wanna know. I shall just go prac.

2) I end lessons at 10am tmr. Which effectively leaves me 8 hrs free before my next activity.

3) I need to chair a discussion group tmr morning, too. After one round of self-introductions, that is. I hope Gail won't make us state our name, our year, and then the most embarrassing situation we've been caught in, like she did last sem. What a way to get your tutorial mates to remember you =|

4) Tristam Shandy consists of Books 1-9. I might tell you more, but I haven't finished book 1 yet. Time to catch up a little more, Charm?

5) I think, Charm, if you don't use your texts as bedtime stories, you might remember them better.

6)I should stop damaging myself. This week, in one smooth manoevre, I knocked my heel against the foot of my rolling chair and whamped my ankle against the computer table. Last week while swinging my feet I knocked my shin against the seat of my wooden-framed chair and earned a bruise. Fortnight ago I whamped my head against the electrical box attached to the pillar next to an empty seat in arts canteen. "Oh! Look! Empty seat he- *BANG*" Don't look at me like that okay. It's very rare to find a corner seat at Arts fac during lunch hour, and that metal box-thingie was out of my line of sight, even though I was tall enough to knock against it. ARGH.

Today I ran into my dad (literally.) at the kitchen doorway and stubbed my toes against his foot. He continued ambling towards the living room, pausing only to go "Ay, why you kick me?". I was too busy stifling howls and nursing my toes to defend myself. Only managed to wail "What're your toes made of, metal?" amidst the throbs of protestation from my injured toes. Could feel him emanating amusement from the living room, absolutely unhurt. Toes of steel, my dad.

My dear girl, you'd better stop incurring unnecessary damages.

7) Must get back to Moll Flanders. Another time k.