Staccato (Part #1 of the SYF trilogy =P)

You've all been through a lot this week. Uh-huh... can't imagine how absolutely right my conductor is. Nowadays everything's been overwhelmingly choir, choir, choir... not that I resent it. It's terribly draining, but it has brought all of us together, somehow... And nothing can be quite too much to exchange for this one precious bond between people.

So much happened today... Guess it comes from the built up of stress already present in preparation for SYF. Evening-to-night pracs almost everyday, increasing workload, and, for some, family matters, have all taken its toll... Sigh.

Today choir combined didn't start out exactly well... latent tension already present... think it came from the sectionals for year ones before that. And all the hectic days before that, as well. Hai~ Gt was obviously very upset... went off with Tr during sectionals, then when they didn't return I went to look for them... Since the day Jes told her the whole alto section could see that the sops were supported only by a certain few people and that without us, the section would really collapse, she had been pretty affected. Especially with the attitude some of the people have been giving her--saying they got something on and thus not coming for the extra pracs that she put effort in to come to teach them, chattering away and not paying attention during sectionals, and, all in all, not giving enough respect. *Sigh* She really is a very sweet n dedicated SL lor... she was saying she doesn't ever want to see the day sop collapses, without the main 'loud' ones singing... And people so often take her for granted... not putting in the amount of effort she constantly puts in, not appreciating her enough... and who bears the brunt of it when the section sings wrongly? So there we were, the whole sectionals period, using up one-and-a-half packs of tissue with Tr and me trying to cheer her up. Felt so terrible for her...

Loads of factors behind the incident lar, though this was mainly what triggered her off... Tr was crying with her before I came, which is so like the sweet sympathetic girl we know.. Guess the good thing that came out of it was that Gt felt better after that... I'm glad we at least could take the burden off her a little.

Was contemplating if I should speak to the sops, or to the choir as a whole after that. Was quite affected, and determined not to have the section upset their poor SL anymore, but, odd as it turned out to be, I didn't have to. After combined Miss Ong spoke to all of us, telling the choir that there's bound to be disputes, that we've got to listen to and respect our SLs, no matter who we are, no matter what post we hold, that SLs are human, and do make mistakes at times, but we mustn't always blame them, but oughta help them out instead... that misunderstandings and unhappiness do occur when a large group of people work together for long periods of time... that sometimes we've got to learn to have things out in the open, and thereafter forgive and forget time, to let things be... Oh, a lot, a lot of things. Things that I've wanted to say, but couldn't string into proper expressions... and loads more. And at intervals I turned back to glance at Gt, eyebrows raised--Sheesh, she's telepathic, huh? to which she'll simply shrug. She was pretty startled too.

Turns out that Miss Ong wasn't all that telepathic... apparently altos have some... issues of their own too. Throughout combined all the alto year twos were black-faced... very obvious... and Miss Ong just took a shot in the dark... and happened to hit the nail on the head... for both the altos... and ironically, the sops. What's even more of a dramatic irony was that she was saying "Last year it was the GUYS who had a big problem... now it's the altos. Thank goodness the sops are still okay... *pause, then added on as an afterthought* so far. Please ar, sops, stay peaceful, okay?" Peng si. I was blinking and going huh? ERM~! in my head, but well. The rest of the sop section ARE blissfully ignorant of their SL's inner turmoil... it's not like they were intentionally being mean... it's more like an unconscious thing. Yeowch. Painful thought.

It's quite bad lar, alto side... dispute between SL and fellow year two alto... mini blow up over a small matter, mainly because both parties were really very stressed up then and weren't quite themselves (the general alto's usual mode would be full of juicy news, good-natured teasing and madness). Plus Cl isn't the kinda SL who keeps all her emotions hidden underneath... hence the whole altos' affected. The altos year twos are a really close bunch of people ever since after concert last year (long long story...) so whatever goes on will result in an immediate chain effect. Not that sops aren't so close, but that's another story... can't go into fine details now.

Yar... apparently Miss Ong's speech struck a chord... the two of them broke down one after the other... went over, sat with them and spoke to them... goodness... I nearly cried myself can, I felt so terrible for all of them--it's just one thing after another, with SYF looming threateningly at us above all the usual school-and-family probs. But it was okay after a while lar... Miss Ong spoke to them again, told us a couple of stuff, then got us to clear out of the LT cos the security guard was coming to lock up (yes, anti-climax... to which I told her the uncle had already popped his head in, saw the solemn scene, looked absolutely startled and withdrew immediately... Haha... it was almost comical lor...) By then the atmosphere lightened a lot liao... and after a while everyone recovered, more or less. Fifteen minutes later when Miss Ong found twelve of us sops and altos grouped right smack in the middle of the corridor and asked almost suspiciously what exactly is wrong with us again, we were huddled over a form discussing seating arrangements for prom night. Hahaha... and the crazy thing was, as Miss Ong pointed out in amusement, we were right under a sign that went "Attention: This is not an interaction area. Please do not crowd up the corridor and cause unnecessary jams" or something to that effect. *grinz* We really didn't realise it... Must have looked like illiterate freaks but bah... no one reads the sign anyway. It was just strangely amusing. =P

Yup. Made our way down to the bus stops in our big group, reverting back, somewhat, to a comfortable, noisy routine. And halfway down, amongst the container blocks, I stopped to remove the choir posters from a nearby wall, merrily plucking out remaining blue tags other ccas left behind, earning a few stares from the group, and a "Wah Charm... this kinda blue tag you also want ar?" to which I responded defensively "What? The other ccas left them behind lor... they didn't even want it... and the blue tag can be recycled for the choir board... haha... I learnt from XY one..."

Thereafter nearly all ten of them turned towards the nearest wall and plucked out stray blue tags from it, almost simultaneously... Hahaha... quite a shocking sight... and immensely comical too... I was like going "don't be so obvious lar~! You know what we all look like or not?" for the sake of not 'throwing face' before the random people who pass by the same area. By the time we reached the school gate I've got a big ball of blue tag-- just about twice the amount of the usual new strips of blue tags you usually buy-- for the choir board, and we were pretty amused liao. Haha... get to save money while helping to clear up the school walls from ugly stray blue tags that people are not even considerate enough to clear when they keep their posters... Quite funny...

All's well that ends well, I guess. Stress and disputes and moments of unhappiness are unavoidable, especially when people have to work together intensively for long periods of time, but it's these kind of incidents that bond people closer together, and silly instances like the blue-tag case that prove how crazily well we can work together, without even thinking of or needing to request for help, the instant rapport... it's absurd, it's spontaneous, and, somehow, it's shows the natural cohesion between people. Yes, a silly little act like that does hold a lot of significance for me... as does sharing and coming into contact with the pressure and unhappiness that arose today (Or should I say, have been lurking about till today...?)

I've learnt a few things today, realised a few things, and felt a lot. Especially in terms of having the friends, the committee I have in choir... Goodness, where would I have been without them? Meanwhile, I still have no idea what will happen, am still worrying for the choir, am still anxious for my fellow choir people, but well, as the saying goes, one step at a time... take things as they come. Sway... performing after AC, Best JC Choir Year 2001 and before TJ, the super good technique choir. Sigh. Dunno how we are gonna make it thru, but I really do hope it will all be all right, that, somehow or other, we won't get COP or bronze. Really really do hope. At least a silver, but maybe, just maybe, a Gold. *prays hard* I really do hope... not just for myself, but for the people who worked so hard, for the effort put in, for our hopes and our dreams, for our dear conductor, for our teachers-in-charge, for our parents, worrying about SARS and fetching us home at night, for the school, who, I believe, has yet to see a gold for any of the ccas. For our future batch, to get a better intake for choir and establish a more solid base... for the greater probabilty of more external concerts for the choir. *sigh* Really do hope it will all be fine...

~ written 26/4/2003