More procrasination... I've written in my other diary, penned down long, detailed reflections in my offline diary, but I've yet to write here in my blog. Probably because it caters to a larger audience and it's hard to phrase thoughts into words.

In retrospect my life has been very much a guided tour, for while I tend to let the wind blow me in whichever direction it pleases, and the waves to bear me along their swishing currents with ease, my mum had always been there to steer me in the proper direction, into safer waters, towards warm, sunny lands, and I'm so, very grateful to her for that. I wouldn't have been where I am now... it is not easy to explain the years of scolding, nagging and warm advices, the long talks and the countless shopping trips, the many, many times I would automatically give her detailed sketches of parts of my life and await her opinion... Above all things I think she taught me how to feel, how to be more alive, to be aware enough of myself and of others... and encouraged me to pursue my passions, in literature, in words, in music and song, because, as she puts it, it teaches people how to be more human in his cold, hard world.

How true.

But now for the larger part I'm taking over the wheel, exploring and learning and comprehending the landscape in a different manner. It takes longer to reach a realisation when information isn't dished to you on a platter, but when you do come to reach new perspectives it's kinda... rewarding, I guess. Yah, it's weird to be growing up and being aware of it... it's something unsettling, something new, something to think about.

*shrugs*

...............

Jeez, this entry has all the makings of yet another long, reflective, sombre entry. I oughta pluck myself out of this mode, it gets really tiresome... I keep going around in circles and I have still yet to come to the point.

I guess, what I wanted to say is, after Saturday's AGM, I felt like I've just come to a humongous realisation. I 've been a bad, bad girl, and self-righteously so too, at certain points in time *cringe* and thus I haven't been injecting that spirited enthusiasm and ready dedication that I should have as a member, because I had unreasonably high expectations that I realised, now, were really quite impractical, hence I was sore with the repeated disappointments and took longer than I had to adapt. For that I apologise. Sorry =( (Okay, so it was mostly inward frustrations and I haven't been openly exuding unhappiness in my behaviour, thank goodness, but I still owe all an apology =|) I am, after all, an NY choir girl from the very beginning, and ought to take pride in Consonance as I had with the NY choir in the two years with them (but then again being Pres back then gave you a lot of reasons to be highly protective of the choir, what with all the obstacles we had to overcome together--thank goodness for the brilliant fellow com members--and the lousy school admin and the little conflicts we had to iron out and the emotional upheavals for concert and SYF...) Still relatively new to Cons, still a lot to learn, still need time to grow together, but we'll work it out, and Consonance'll work out to be bigger and better than before =) Oooh yes, as the famous quote by XH that's been going around everyone's blogs says, Cons is like a cockroach: we got bullied, stomped on, kicked around, but ultimately we still keeping coming back, resilient and hardier than ever =P All hail the big kah zua!

It's quite a dilemma really, but I really cannot join Con's concert production next year, having promised twice and thrice over that I will leave time for my family, and also because Res pracs would be twice weekly now, and perhaps driving lessons in the pipeline, with schoolwork on atop all these activities. But with any luck I should be back year end =) No promises though.

Okay, this is it for now, more on random stuff like the Budak Pantai concert, the lousy CORs bidding system, and updates on first lessons of the year in future. I really got to be more hardworking in updating my blog huh...