Major declaration?

I need to sign up for my lit group! Ahhh! but not everyone's replied yet! Ahhh! Respond, quick! Call me!

*sigh* I wanna do my one ton of readings but am too much of a procrasinator to have started on even a pageful. And the Jungle Book 2 is on Disney channel tonight. *groans* Okay. Shuttle downstairs for dinner first, talk later.

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Am feeling rather oxymoronic now. You know when you blog you're suppose to do it spontaneously right? And that is maybe what I aim to achieve, but then I just deleted two paragraphs of messy ramblings because of ungrammatical sentences and because there's no flow in there, therefore it doesn't make enough sense. Aiyah, pardon my little idiosyncracies, but when it comes to putting pen to paper--or fingers to keyboard--I am disgustingly particular about what I say and how to get the proper feel across. And sometimes this zaps off a lot of my spontaneity, which is really rather aggravating, because it defeats the purpose of blogging. I think. Though one of the reasons I blog is to help me organise my thoughts, indirectly. Hm.

Whatever. That's not important.

So, a few things to say. Firstly, I'm still not into the studying mood yet, for goodness knows what reason, which is rather disturbing because we're easing into the fourth week of the semester. Already. Almost one month! Hello? Do your readings! Quiiick! START to input info! AHHH!

And secondly, as illustrated by previous paragraph, I would need to un-kancheongfy myself and focus a lot more. I'm just so distracted by the entire world, doing precisely what my teacher told me not to do: let my mind hop all over the place, swinging easily towards any little random thought or event and lacking the cool discipline to keep it still and focused and aware so that I can work everything out systematically. Humph. Bad, bad girl. Gotta sit myself down to meditate instead of having my heart and stomach do impressive flip-flops at all the horrific last minute work.

Am still messed up over what I want to major in, even though I started out with more-or-less the thought of majoring in Lit. But what can a Lit major do, besides teaching? I don't wanna teach if I cannot give the kids the best they can ever get, and when it comes to Lit... A good tutor is essential to hand over the keys, to open the first of many doors for each kid to explore the text, then the characters and their society, then by extension themselves, and their society, and the many, many layers that entwine and have to be carefully entangled and explored to discover the multiple little ironies that make up the world we live in. And more. It's just this delightful, insightful journey of self-discovery, to borrow a rather cliched phrase, and constantly demands from you a deeper understanding of what we often take for granted around us. And so you learn, and question, and challenge, and work towards a better future, hopefully ;) Okay. It's kinda humongous a task, and I'm not sure if I could assume it, but my lit tutors have done pretty admirably so far. (Where was I? Crap, carried away again. Oh yes, major-lit-do-what.) There's working in the media of course, journalism, censorship board. Maybe they'll let me write for a magazine like Reader's Digest. Or National Geographic. I'll like that a lot =) Or that vague general thing called publications. Or, well. I dunno.

See? And why would they want to employ a lit student above, say, a communications studies major? An info com major? An EL major? A soci major? But I would like to think that (and no offense to every other major, I'm working things out for myself k) Lit means passion, a more aesthetic perspective, a new refreshing point of view, something very much a part of the arts: flexible, ever-changing, yet always applicable, relevant... it's about yourself and it's about the world around you, it's about understanding and feeling and being... It's about making abstract stuff normal and making familiar, taken-for-granted stuff strange, for a closer, more objective observations. It's about knowing where to look: the truth is always within, not out there, it's about learning and realising and accepting...

I'm rocking myself into this lullaby of sorts, justifying and paving my way towards what I want to do. Despite English being the more practical choice because basically, if you can become a trained linguist, you get to earn big bucks. And big bucks to any human being is always a good choice. *sigh* How far can your passion feed you, I wonder? I mean, if I wanna sing acappella for a living or something like that I probably could (provided that my singing improves first lar), but
if I want my parents to retire earlier and have a good life and let my family enjoy little luxuries now and then... Then...? Doesn't being a trained linguist and earning 90 bucks per hour training people like Cheryl Fox to speak presentably on broadcast TV sound like a good idea? Or going into speech therapy and working with little kids on their pronunciation? That'll be nice, too. (Not taking into account falling asleep a lot during lectures and squinting at phonology and getting down to the nitty-gritty details of morphology and lots of dry, technical, science-ish stuff.) I like English as a communicative language, in all its prettiness and flow and the way it can paint beautiful pictures in prose and poetry, but slip into that jargon-filled technicalities and my interest starts to wane. Can I persevere through 3, 4 years of detailed study without looking back to regret?

And then there's soci, of course. Interesting, intriguing, and very much like Lit, except maybe less abstract and more 'acceptable' to the general community. (Crap lar, what's wrong with Lit anyway? It's just about as cheem as any other subject you take in NUS, and it's not irrelevant lar, abstract as it seems.) Soci is a tempting major too, cultures is fascinating and so is this study of society and human beings and relations... I definitely can live with that, too. But so many people are taking it! a lot of competition, leh. Why employ you when they can employ the next soci major that comes along, right?

Aiyaaaah. Anyway. I planned to spend only one paragraph yakking about this, not... *counts* 4 ultra long paragraphs pondering. Cos obviously there's one thing I prefer over the rest and I'm just trying to get someone to say "yes! yes! Go for what you like! it's good and practical!" Like a certain friend of mine asking for advice on whether she should go arts fac or science fac when you can tell where her heart is liao ;) *shrugs* We'll take things one at a time. It might be Lit, it might be English, it might be Soci. It's just this in-between phase lar. Once I've thrown my lot in officially I won't turn back anymore. Yah, like how I dumped Comm Studies for Arts fac. Not regretting =) I would've been stewed there lar, basically.

Okay. End off now. More readings. Decisions next time. Oh yes, and I went for a haircut today. Trimmed my hair and snipped my fringe. Gosh, I look so guai and demure now, it's scary. Fringe is too short! And because I have such thin, fine, little hair I daren't go dye or highlight it, else it may--heaven forbid-- all fall off and leave me with no hair to complain about. *touch wood* Meanwhile it shall stay nice and natural with variations only in length. (I wanna keep it long!) By the way, the last time I tried to perm it, it straightened by itself in three days. Hai. Anyhow, I am reminded of the days back in Sec sch when I'll ask people to guess what CCA I'm from and they'll guess Library. Jeez, stereotypes, stereotypes. Maybe I should indulge in ah-lian skirts and pretty ribbons and neck-bands and tube tops and gel up my hair. Hah! Then people will die of shock. Which is not very nice, come to think of it. My mum was listening dubiously to my complaints and asking "so, how much more pai4 can you get anyway?" Oh well. Image is stuck for good.

Bit of trivia info, not that you need to know... The last time I had almost-long hair was in Pr 3. Check it out!



I adore this picture ^_^