Mathematically speaking

Yours truly got back her maths test today, and she did so fantastically, she believes she could've set a brand new record amongst the smartest muggers in her class. Not a single one of them could have achieved such a mark. Not unless they attempt to.

=)

And naw, it wasn't a rude shock. Initally surprised, yes, at the extremity of what she'd never attained before, and thereafter amusement-- Of course, how could it have been anything else? And humongous relief that she's taken the S/U option. And for something else, she guesses. Relief that she is completely, utterly, the true-blue arts student ^_^ No more delusions, no more clinging on to beliefs that she will one day do mathematics justice. Something should have clicked when she got only a 'B' for such a simple A Levels maths paper and 'A's for other so-called "impossible to score" subjects, but noooo, she paid no heed to those long-gone days spent under the critical eye of her maths tuition teacher and the nights bawling over A Level TYS... So here's Test 1 to point out, quite nicely, that this isn't that kinda mentality that one should have when one's talents lie elsewhere. (And thank goodness for that too... it'll work out harder had my interests and talents been seperate)

Such a relief I've sorted that one out.

Of course, amusement stems from the audacity of my own workings, too. Point to note #2: Never use an arts tactic on a science subject. The former might have secured a B4 for your GP without you having to provide any substantial evidence of sorts, but will never work on your maths.

Understanding is the key.

It probably would also help to note that I haven't completed my tutorials before the test. Or at least, THE tutorial that all the questions came out from. It's pretty frustrating to work through symbols and signs and numbers that have no inherent meaning of their own when their processes are not distinctly explained... "How" was taught, yes, but why, why, why? What are these thingies are why must they work this way? I don't connect with strange things whose identities are not explained. And I hate memorising steps. That's not the way to work. You want to it to remain in long-term memory, you connect with it, understand it, and the puzzle bits will fall into place, and all you need is a vivid picture and your reaction to it to see you through. It's like singing. You don't memorise note by note and then word by word and then pair them up and piece up the song. How can you ever finish memorising? You've just gotta let go-- hear the song, see the picture, get the story... then you pick up your first note, feel its relativity to its chord... and off you go-- feel, then let the song flow for you naturally, let the notes express the emotions in the words, and let the words bring meaning to the notes. There you have it, your song, by heart.

Worked fair enough with my arts subjects so far yet meantime I stare at maths and it stares back at me, unflinching, unchanging... unresolved. You can't question it, as with lit, flipping it round and about, analysing, establishing links, invoking reactions and justifying it with solid textual evidence. Nor can you picture it the econs way, with series of graphs that flow and common-sensical knowledge--you grapse the concept and identity and off you go. Nor is it self-explanatory as in the science of language that allows you to infer, interpret, relate...
But before I alienate the subject altogether, I still gotta say that it's interesting... once you get it. Really. Now that I get to pick out time to work question-by-question on my overdue tutorials, some pieces are falling in already. *Sigh* But this is one difficult song, maths. That kind that has no words to help you out, no story to have your notes flow through... So it requires more effort, like learning up a foreign language and stitching it up with the tune. Mais si vou ke ye dae gwei selle... Fascinating, not doubt. And there's a sense of achievement thereafter. *nods* Fair enough, then.

Lots of quirky bits of thought that came to me throughout maths tutorial today... the mental weblogging gliding rapidly through, how I would phrase, what I would say, but come this point in time and I've got difficulties recalling them all. So maths test evaluation and self-justification of Why I Do Not Feel Deeply Depressed (Because I Did Not Connect With Subject Enough To Feel Deep Affection For it) will end here for now... When I do have the time, I'll attempt to re-create the spontaneous thoughts running through my head during math tutorials with a constantly mumbling neighbour, a contradictory teacher, incorrigible handwriting on the board, immense incomprehension and detached amusement all round.

Till next time.