GP, choir, and what-have-yous

I have a problem with starting a diary entry. I shouldn't be so particular about what I write, right? It's an irritating habit. From GP to Lit to Econs essays to diary entries I have an odd way of going through my paragraphs again and again until one paragraph flows into another easily, almost like writing a narrative composition, something I'd been really fond of but stopped doing after imaginative English lessons in Secondary school degenerated into dreary GP lessons -_- First three months in NY had begun good enough, when GP lessons had been quite, quite interesting, and when I've been actually tempted to go beyond the comic section in the newspapers, but after that it deteriorated rather quickly into, simply, a lot of compres and essays and oh! the pain! logic lectures, that one key intro-to-GP lectures that truly undermined any interest towards the subject -_- Do you still remember that lecture? -- "P1: Some Sharks attack humans. P2: Some Tigers attack humans. P3: Therefore some sharks are tigers. Now, tell me what's wrong with this conclusion? Hahaha isn't it funny?" -- followed by twenty other examples of the same sort: Silly mistakes that you will definitely make in your next two years with us. Eww.

Okay. That wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk about actually, but mentioning it kinda brought back a lot of un-fond memories almost potent enough to rival sadistic circuit-training hour-long PE lessons. *pause* No, not really. Maybe it's more along the lines of Civics lessons. (ie the not-always-very-useful-and-seriously-gets-on-your-nerves-at-the-amount-of-time-we-are-wasting kind of feeling) But I think between all of us in A3a we managed to work out something quite the opposite of anything our tutor wanted our lessons to be, being overly vocal and very much out of control in more ways than one. It was probably the essential element in bonding as a class, the never-ending list of little anecdotes, ridiculous little acts that perk up each lesson and spilled over to subsequent other lessons. Like that time when we were supposed to make use of the lesson to practice our project work presentation-- left to ourselves in the puny air-conditioned, no-window 'C' classroom with only a laptop, we came up with a much more constructive idea. An hour later, Mrs T walked into a pitch-dark, silent classroom to find the whole class obediently gathered around the laptop-- watching a Beauty and the Beast VCD, indignantly hushing her when she went "HEY! What do you think you are doing?" "Shhhh! It's finishing, it's finishing! It's the exciting part now! Give us ten more minutes k?" -- or that one weird period in late May when the class was in an oddly Christmassy mood-- we piled shredded tissue paper on the ceiling fan before lesson began, switched it on and sang "Jingle Bells" when our Maths teacher walked into a snowing room right after a dreary GP lesson -- or that painful period before Cadenza when Al took to his head that he will suddenly burst into a chorus of the tenor part of "Zeregleent Gobi", halfway through a lesson -- or Jere launching into a series of hisses and growls and "Arrrrrgggghhh! This is so hard! I give up lar!" to which Shell will whip around and snap "I shall slap if you make one more noise..." while waving her penknife threateningly (hmmm... she has yet to carry out her threat, actually) -- or Hx and Adr holding a conversation from the opposite ends of the class, perfectly audible from all corners -- or Abi attempting to explain his complicated philosophical answers that no one, except probably Mc could understand -- or... haha... it's just one delightful exchange after another, all the time, in sheer spontaneity. =)

Where was I? Oh yes, starting my entry. I've done that now. Hmm. So now it leaves me with the linking up of various little excerpts I wrote each day. But I'm really too tired to think. Jeez. I shall post them up anyhow, fragmented or not.
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(21/6/04) Right. Drowsy drowsy Monday. It always seems a bit of an anti-climax after a hectic weekend, but it's good to get some semblance of normality back, in a way. If only I could feel a little less sluggish. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Anyhow there were lots of little perks today. Cin and Jp were both distributing ba zhangs from home, so we all had two each. Jud left another two mini crunch bars on my table, and WK gave me a baby cucumber. I feel so pampered =) And it wasn't even any particular occassion to begin with... it's just that our zone is really an eating zone, there's always food going around, especially from Jud. I do appreciate it anyway =) Oh we got back the zone photos we took the other day too, which came as a pleasant surprise. I like photos. It'll be something to remember all of them by after I leave next week. Am really gonna miss them all.

Backtrack some more. I cut my hair on Sunday! It's pretty short now, but I was quite determined not to risk another haircut between now and the concert day. At least it'll be a little longer in a month's time... right? I like it like that anyway. So much less messy. Fringe is kinda short though =( Oh well, it'll grow.

Hmm. Next Wednesday is officially my last day at work. Which means after that I'll be able to go out. At least, I hope so. Things always have this astounding ability to screw up in the most dramatic manner at the most inappropriate times that I never want to make plans anymore. It's that bad. But I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that there will be a few things that I'll be able to do. Like go for a movie or shop with the choir girls. Like meet WY and Agl for Char's present, and subsequently us with Char for Agl's 'exploring' tour =) Like meet Da and Cyn and Gill and Yeesh and Sq, then Da and XY and Sj, whom I haven't seen for ages. Like meeting Shell n Jrm, which is long overdue too. And then there's the concert. Oh no. I do actually feel scared that it's approaching so soon, you know, and it's not so much because we don't feel as prepared, but more like all the fun, the laughter, the ups and downs as a choir preparing for a concert is gonna end so quickly. I don't want that... I mean, how likely is it that we'll all get to perform together like that again? And then there'll be this awful hangover the weekend after the concert, which happens each time I start to miss the hectic rushabout and the singing-as-a-choir very, very much.

Okay. I shouldn't be thinking about that now, not at this point in time, anyway. I sincerely hope I hadn't spoilt anyone's mood. It's just that a thought that came to me halfway through Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, Seasons of Love being the final song, and the amount of meaning behind its lyrics. Oh no... mustn't began to reflect now or I'll launch into this wistful-introspective-sentimental-what-have-you lot of memories... and I did promise myself to keep the blog content light.

Okay. Backtrack some more. Saturday was a delightful day. Choir lasted good and long... we managed to sing through some three-quarts of our concert repertoire, which I thought was quite an achievement, though quality-wise for some songs... *sigh* I guess we'll have to work on it. Think we need to get down to memorising, too, English songs or not... I would feel more insecure if I depend more on the scores than on Miss Ong, because with our heads buried between those sheets of paper we tend to lose out on the connectedness and the whole feeling, the movement of the piece, the togetherness, the intensity... Hm. We had a proper talking-to from Miss Ong after that. Probably deserved it, too -_- I hope next prac will be better. And there might be prac on Sunday too right? Oh nooo... Got an aunt's wedding dinner to attend... maybe I'll cab down.

I digressed again. Back to Saturday. Had a lot of fun after choir prac =) Went for dinner at Changi Airport (yes, at 9.30pm) Crazy drive down for supper that night... ahahaha... I hadn't laughed so hard and so much for a long long time... from Siglap all the way down to Changi(!), thanks to Stephen, Tiffany and Xiaodi =P Am amazed that we managed to arrive there all in one piece, at the horrific way we were giggling non-stop... If I were the one driving the car will be swerving from lane to lane -_- Oh, and we've all been given new names by Stephan because Xiaodi couldn't remember Cl n Dy's names... hahaha... so in the end we had some rather... interesting... variations =P

Time spent at the airport was quite brief, there was only time for snatches of conversations here and there, so I contented myself with trying to listen to two conversations on my side of the table at the same time. Quite odd. Then from the other end we can still hear Yy's distinctly sop laughter echoing down the length of the table =P Thereafter we had to rush home... but I bet the rest of the Amadeus people stayed till really late right?

Reached home safe and sound and didn't receive a scolding, thank goodness... Probably because my parents were too tired. Guilty guilty =( Resolve to be excessively guai for the rest of the week... so that maybe there's a chance to have supper again... But hey~ I made it home before midnight, thanks to Cl and Dy (hey... how much exactly did the cab fare turn out to be? I bet it was quite horrifying =X) It would have been fun to stay out longer I guess, but we'll have to leave that to maybe a few years later, when I'm "big enough". Sad thought. Oh well, at least now there's greater incentive to go take driving lessons ^_^
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Hm. I believe my entry's about done now. It's... much longer than I expected. Whoops =X For a person who talks so little I do write a lot. Quite scary. So it's till next time peeps... take care! Now I can go breathe a sigh of relief and do something else. Am done with my entry-of-the-week =)

Block?

I wrote an entry~! In fact I have three four half done entries waiting to be posted but I don't know how to round them up. HOW can you all just write and post write and post so spontaneously? Seems like I always launch into this whole storytelling mode then get interrupted and am left hanging. Goodness. This is bad. I'll never be able to post another entry this way -_- Okay okay. Must work on it. But meqanwhile I'm exhausted. Always am nowadays. Wonder why. Hmph.

What makes a me?

Got this from Pw's journal =P *waves*

How to make a charm

Ingredients: 5 parts success 1 part crazyiness 5 parts empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little fitness if desired!

Username:

Personality cocktail

From Go-Quiz.com

Hmmm... the craziness (is that spelt correctly anyway? Hmmm.) and maybe empathy makes sense... dunno about the fitness though... I'm such a lazy girl =X You'll have to resort to something drastic before you can make me run. Like threaten me with more afternoon PE. *shudders*

Fire drrrrrrrill

My other diary is down! Again! How frustrating can it get? Hmmmmm.... And I had so much to say =(

Anyhow. Fire drill today was a highly amusing affair. Everyone was cheerfully abuzz with excitement when the first bell rang, and at the second bell we were making our way down the stairs, jamming at every landing as people from other floors filed out. Remarkably neat and orderly, though there was barely a whiff of urgency at all. Expected. But it was cool anyhow, "escaping" down the back stairs to another exit I never knew existed =P

It wasn't quite so cool when we got outside, though -_- At 3.30pm the sun was blazing hot~! Instinctively rolled up my sleeves the moment I stepped into open sunshine, which turned out to be a good idea cos my skin began to thaw into a reddish hue. At least it's an even tan. Hee I brought a book and my handphone down for entertainment purposes, but Reader's Digest came in more handy as a shelter than for reading pleasure. They actually posted people outside to distribute mineral water bottles to everyone... fascinating... so as we trudged upslope to the clearing behind the building, each holding a mineral water bottle, I began to get the distinct feeling of being out for a zoo excursion, with the level i/cs waving their platecards before us and the people pooling under the cool shelter of a rare tree, reluctant to move on-- "Huh? Don't want lar... why walk so far? Very hot leh!"

There are smarter ones out of the lot, of course, some armed with big umbrellas, newspapers or randomly selected brown folders to shelter or fan themselves, others looking absolutely stylo with sunshades packed from home the day before =P Serious! Midway across the clearing a lady was hurriedly bading farewell to her friends-- "Ay see you later hor, I need to go chit-chat with the rest of them"-- were more or less her exact words, which got Jud and I laughing quite hard at the sheer inappropriate-ness of it. Ll was just as cute-- after baking in the sun and getting our attendance taken she was complaining "Hey... I thought it was going to be really exciting! But this is totally not exciting at all!" Sounds like something I would say, but coming from a person who's nearly twice your age and a mother of a couple of kids only makes for more amusement. A brief gala party out in the clearing for a while, and, having decided that the fire's been put out ten minutes later, we were allowed to go back, in no order at all.

Hah~ I bet the lobby has never seen a day when it's so crowded with people from every floor at the same time. Like Jud said, MOE's not this crowded even if the Minister comes out to shake hands with the people =P Which got me asking, quite unnecessarily, "But what will happen to him if there's a real fire? He'll have to climb down over twenty flights of stairs!" She dismissed the question easily--"He'll probably not be in the building to begin with anyway" before going "Oh no! He has so little hair! How is he going to stand staying out there in the hot sun?" in a genuinely alarmed manner, as if the idea had only just occurred to her. Oh, jeez =P

And then of course, is the queuing up to be let into the lifts, in a few groups at a time, by the security guards. Can almost visualise a carnival -- "Don't push, kids, one group at a time, yes, you'll get your picture taken with Mickey Mouse, don't worry..." Goodness. I have an overactive imagination -_-

And so ends the fire drill of the year. Sure did take a long time, though it was better, and faster, than I expected =P But had we performed like that back in SN, even if we aren't already properly fried by the fire, we'll be thoroughly grilled by Mrs Goh for "taking your own sweet time...!" Ah, those lovely memories *grin* What can I say? Turned out to be a good interaction session (as it ultimately does, all the time, when you turn to a random neighbour and start to crap freely, too caught up in the fervour of the moment to even care what you're saying) Maybe we should suggest drills during practices as well *evil glint in eye* Who knows, it might perk things up a little =) Just perhaps not too close to the concert. I'm beginning to fret a little, just a little, already. Hmmm. Better get back to revising my scores. Soon. Shoo people, go and listen to your midis, and see you next prac. Do update me on whether we've got any lunch dates then k?

Aimless ramblings

Hmm... I realised that after I post one entry you can no longer add comments to the previous entry. Hm. Not good. I think I'll get a tagboard after all. I like notes. Shows that people are responding (oh crap... why does this sound so creepily like what our tutors would say...?) Never mind.

Yay~! I'm home. Feels so good to be home. Have been itching everywhere since morning after going through files that are older than I am :| But today was much better than yesterday. Am very much more awake, which is amazing, considering the fact that my brother kept me up until past twelve because he couldn't sleep, and to keep me awake he was cheerfully humming Auld Lang Syne and Paint My Love alternatively. Argh... I am so gonna throttle his id**t of a friend who showed him a variety of enhanced ghostly pictures online during their computer lessons, not to mention an inappropriately terrifying Pontainak video that gave him nightmares for weeks and kept him wide awake on dark nights. Kids nowadays... *grumbles*

WK was not at work today, but I didn't manage to pack her table for her. Reasonably busy for the whole of today, which is good, because when I get too little things to do I will start indulging in out-of-point stuff. Oh, I managed to string up a little harp the other week using only three rubber bands stretched over a stack of paper and my specs case. Miraculously managed to tune them from middle C to A, which actually allows you to play quite a variety of nursery rhymes, from twinkle twinkle little star to Oh Susanna ^_^ And last week, while sorting stacks of paper and removing staples, I managed to chain them all together into a little silverish bracelet. It has progressed to being an anklet this week, and, if I am gonna be left with more of these kind of jobs it will probably become long enough to be a necklace -_- No, don't tell me I'm very boh liao. I know =X

Admin jobs are quite a killer if you're a person who gets bored easily, and goodness, I get so very drowsy sometimes. Yesterday I had to help Cat write out a set of instructions on her stack of papers to be sent up to the people upstairs. It was actually interesting at first, trying to imitate her perfectly neat, roundish handwriting, and varying it to words of different styles and sizes, but by the time I got to the tenth sheet I began to feel like a naughty kid being punished to write lines -_- And then Ll came and asked if I could help her write hers, too. *visibly dismayed* "Okay, no problem." Then of course it also means that Sal would ask me to help with hers, and, thoroughly resigned, I offered to do WK's stack, too. Haha... after copying out some eighty paragraphs of exactly the same thing I was glad to get back to filing again. Oh well, at least I won't be complaining that my writing has gone rusty over the holidays. =P And if anyone is beginning to get the idea that I resent my job, I don't. *shrugs* The people there pretty much make up for all that =)

Right. Off work now. I tried to practice Amazing Grace the other day. Ahaha... I cleared my high F# G# B, and was feeling somewhat smug about it, so I challenged my brother, who was openly laughing and making all sorts of grotesque little squeaks, to try and hit the B. He promptly shrieked a note some five tones above that, and then laughed even harder. ........... Remind me not to say such stupid things again -_- We both got into trouble, by the way, for making piercingly disruptive noises close to dinnertime when everyone's home.

Dmm dmm dmm... am looking forward to choir on Saturday. Even if it's gonna be a long day. Nothing quite beats the exhilaration of singing =) Hopefully I won't get a migraine anytime this week. Or this month, for that matter. Am getting really very annoyed with myself for getting a migraine everytime I sleep late or use up too much energy. And then I can't do anything except curl up and die off until the next morning, and my parents will be worried enough to threaten me off late pracs and computer usage. Hm. Won't do.

I think I'll update again another time. Must seriously restrain myself from typing too much. Yay! They're gonna have a fire drill tmr. Something to look forward to. *sheepish grin* Okay. I didn't say that. The last fire drill I remember going for was in NY, during my breaktime, halfway through our meals. *sigh* not very nice of them. I recall one of my friends saying then that the rate we respond to the fire drill varies inversely with our age. In Primary school, when we hear the fire drill we drop whatever we are doing, make lots of excited noises and run for the assembly point. In Secondary school we clear our tables first, then walk out briskly. In JC we take our own sweet time, chatter a bit, pack our bags, then stroll out, catching up on news with the next door class people. I wonder how people will respond tomorrow. Probably insist that they have to finish up their work before they can leave the building. Haha or we can act like typical kiasu Singaporeans and leave fifteen minutes before the expected bell to avoid the crowd =P HmmmmMMmMM.

Looking forward to seeing you all on Saturday. Till next time, peeps~

Espressivo (Part #3 of the SYF trilogy =P)

Oh dear, am so overwhelmed, don't know where to start. Yesterday, 6th of May, was the Big Day--SYF. Was out of my house at 7 plus in the morning, and reached home only at 9 plus. We got a silver. Hm. Predictable enough, but somehow... *sigh* even when I didn't expect anything more there was still a lotta hope... and that was what affected me, I guess. My expectations weren't dashed--no, I didn't expect anything beyond a silver--but that tiny little wisp of hope, the almost desperate wish for a miracle, the dogged determination of yes-duh-i-know-we-won't-get-a-gold-but-hey-there's-no-harm-hoping and the built-up of all the stress that added up to this one event, and the knowledge that there won't be a next time... It's just hugely overwhelming.

I think in a sense we were really lucky... no glaring errors other than an almost false-start by one of our year one guys... Our pps were really pp, and everyone was really careful... jeez, to the point whereby I felt that we are carefully picking through the notes, so much so that the usual ffs, drive and spirit was not there enough. But... okay lar. I guess I was being too tense... Most ppl found it okay, and even Miss Ong said it was really beautiful, and that she was really very relieved... so yar. Haha... after we got offstage she looked like she went through a tremendous ordeal or something... Never seen such great relief exuding from her before... She was sticking out her tongue and patting her chest like she just got a big scare... Jeez. Then she calmly evaluated how we did... while I was still somewhat fretting over our performance... Yes, I was in quite a bad state, and Az was frantically telling me that it wasn't that bad... Then Miss Ong looked over at me and went "It's okaaay! Why you frown until like that?" and ruffled my hair comfortingly... Was reassured too by the rest of the girls... So felt better when we went off for lunch...

Will cut a long story short. Came back at 3 for the results... it was almost 4 when they finally decided to announce it. Haiyer... they took so long can? Almost one entire hour! The tension was building and draining, building and draining... Killed off all my energy. Managed to meet Da and Gill and Cyn =) Really glad to see them. Created a scene before going in for the results when I saw Cynthia at the other door... cos Maria was going "Hey, what school is that?" And I looked over in the group of girls' direction--"Oh should be N...J... *gasp* Cynthia!" Haha... we nearly ran each other over when we hugged each other... her group and my group of choir girls were, I think, pretty amused.

Saw Gillian when VJ was making their way in after their songs... Then saw Da... but by the time she came most people were already seated liao... Heh... Slow =P But later while waiting for results still got time to gather and hug... yep =) Oh yes, saw Mrs Koh, too. She cut her hair so short! Hmmm... then she was like, "Hey... NY made a lot of improvement as compared to two years ago..." And I lightened up considerably, then -- "You all can most likely get a silver." Peng... two years ago they got a silver, too... Oh well. Then she turned to Gill Faye and Ade to talk about VJ stuff... "Your tone is like one of the best out of all the choirs..." Hmm. Oh well.

And then, after the grossly draggy wait, they decided to announce the results (yes, after letting Mr Dung-da-a-ang-dung speak to us first). They did it in order of appearance... hai... was so very --I dunno-- plunged in a wild mixture of emotions, mostly apprehension, while the announcer announced the results in all peace and tranquility. SR was the first announced; they got bronze, and they practiced 6 times a week, Sundays included, for the SYF... Poor things... It scared me half to death, too-- What if we got bronze, then? Then HC, RJ, TP got gold... (expected lar, yes?) and PJ bronze... by the time it got to NY I was freaking liao... "Nanyang Junior College Choir--Silver" Oh. Okay lor.

Guessed we were the only silver choir who didn't cheer madly... just slowly digested the results. SA, CJ and JJ all didn't expected their silvers, cos from what I heard, they screwed up the set piece, but we did expect ours. We did well, we did. Miss Ong was confident enough that we'll secure a silver. But... hai... can't describe how I felt lar... didn't even know if I really did accept it, whether I was happy, disappointed, pressured or just needed some form of release... but it occured to me that all my close SN friends' choirs all got gold, all got into finals... and all the hard work, all the stress that the com and the choir went through, amounted to this... and that no, it was never quite possible to get that gold, what was I thinking when I simply allowed myself to hope, anyway... and... so on and so forth... I realised I didn't quite know what I wanted, anymore.

Then after Miss Ong evaluated the results for us again, and told us, quite frankly, that we did do a lot better than the rest of the silver choirs, and that we probably got a very high silver, and that we shouldn't be quite so miserable, and... I don't know, a number of other things... It all just got to me lar. Everything, all that happened... After most of them left I choked out a "It's not fair." and started sobbing. *Sigh* Probably scared the remaining people like dunno what (seriously, I've never cried in public... only once in P2... and later once after Sec 2 SYF... that's like how many years' interval?) and within two minutes a mini group was flocked round me, going "Charm, it's okay, it's okay..." Hai. Gave them a bad shock. I do know that it's okay, but how do I put it? I need some kinda catharsis for this entire thing. Gt was there to comfort me also... she was going "Hey, it's okay lar Charm, you're the best president I ever had..." Through my sobs I returned, quite matter-of-factly, "I'm the only president you have" sending the rest of them into general amusement... Jes, ever so quick to retort, went "But we also got SR Nathan... You're really not bad liao lar..." Lame ar... got me into an odd mixture of sobs and giggles... bleah... But hai... they were really sweet lar. Poor Tr was crying after that also... and then got to comfort her after that... it was all really warm and amusing at the same time... the way the choir peeps look out for each other, offer comfort, share in the ups and the downs... =)

Da came up to look for me after that... Got a nice big hug... it was like St Nicks all over again. Felt better bit by bit liao =) (Hey... you all got into finals! So proud of you~!) Then Da gotta leave liao... We met Miss Ong by the doors... Haha she hugged me and told me "Yao4 yong2 gan3 yi4 dian3", to which I indignantly replied "wo3 yi3 jing1 hen3 yong2 gan3 liao~!" Then she just smirked. Makes me wonder how come she can be so mean and nice at the same time. Jeez... I didn't even dare to break down before SYF lor... Goodness knows how many people break down liao... I couldn't afford to do it though, else I'll really destabilise the choir's already shaky self-confidence... Like Shell pointed out, the pres has gotta be the pillar of strength no matter what... at least until everything is all over... So... yup. And yeah! We survived!

Outside VCH I met Gillian... another one of the SN hug (I find myself quite biased, but SN hugs are different somehow, you get what I mean? Not to say it's better or worse la... a hug's always nice~!) {Yar... I find this story turning out to be quite sappy... all the melodrama--tears, hugs, overriding emotions, and whatnot... but since it's a once-in-two-years kinda thing, and it's the last SYF we'll ever have, let me indulge a little =) }

Comforted but still out-of-sorts and dazed after SYF, we took some time to recover... went Esplanade to sit and watch the sea/river(?) lapping at the walls, cooling off, singing, contemplating, quietly chatting, bonding. Cl and Jes were peeved with the crying over the results (more so towards Val than to me, actually... long story) and were determined to leave a bunch of us alone to mope ourselves into better spirits. Little bit of tension there, but eventually it cooled off and dissipated, evidently with Az's arrival... Her super-animated play-acting of what happened when the group of them (who went back to school for maths lessons and came back to look for us to have dinner) took the bus from school to esplanade, and her hopping indignance at our inaccurate direction-giving, sent the rest of us into hysterics.

Thereafter was the mad, mad photo-taking, where I declared we must "take a representative photo for each of the SYF songs we sang". It was hilariously corny lar... funny thing was everyone just went along with the lameness spontaneously... yup, all the 16 of us who stayed back... Quite a sight to behold.

Hmmm then went to Marina... all the com treated all the non-com to Macs sundae... shared more ridiculous jokes, courtesy of Az... haha~ then walked on to Suntec to get dinner. We went for Eun's really delightful idea of a "romantic dinner"... all split up to da bao food and went the bonsai garden at Suntec to eat... completed with pavillions, dim lights, a variety of neatly planted bonsai and skyscrapers towering above us, outlined in their distinct yellow lines. Very memorable, indeed. More food, more photo-taking, more gossip, and more Azura-antics... her animated dramatic impersonation of her one particular classmate and her mad jokes... haha... the people in her pavillion all probably suffered from indigestion that day liao...

Dragged all the way till 8 plus before we yi1 yi1 bu4 she3 de leave the place, people randomly grumbling about the oddness of having no intensive choir prac for a while and later making plans for more outings. Parted ways, large group of us took MRT back together... then talk some more, laugh some more (goodness... it's amazing the energy we have left after one whole day of excitement) before we really went home one by one...

*Hai* Truly memorable lar. Will definitely miss all the intensive pracs and all the times I spent with the choir and our choir girls' ultra big clique... Hmmmm. *muses* Yup. Lots of warmth, comfort, joy, and yes, satisfaction derived from being with all of them. And a great amount of pride knowing that it's a wonderful bunch of people I'm chosen to lead... really very, very grateful and proud. Got a lot of heart-warming msgs that day... may leave them to end off the entry, just as a little something to remember the day by. To the rest of you... Da and Gill, good luck for finals, and to all the secondary choir peeps, good luck for your SYF too. Ultimately, whatever you all get, it will still be the people, the choir and the times shared that really matter... after all, what's a gold and a silver but a mere title, right?
~written 7/5/03

Crescendo (Part #2 of the SYF trilogy =P)

Good lord. I'm exhausted. I think that a lot of people are stressed up nowadays. The Band, Choir, CO with their SYF, the council with their council camp, and the like. I'm stressed too. It just doesn't seem as effortless as before. I don't know, the past is always rosier as compared to the present... common human mindset, I guess. But I'm so friggin' scared. Nothing seems to be in my control anymore. Especially in terms of choir.

It's frightening. We sounded so good yesterday, we made so much, so much improvement since full dress rehearsal day, where we scared the daylights out of ourselves and where I was, by the first song, already in the pits of despair. I kinda... expected... that today we'll be there, about the same standard, but no, no, no... it was all back to square one again... pitch, rhythm, the way we sang, the way we sounded. The choir's standard fluctuates... and my mood fluctuates along with it.

Yesterday I was in quite a sore mood. Lack of sleep, cannot finish up homework, morning PE, together with 2.4km, extra econs lesson I wasn't aware of, the mad rush home and back to school to get my choir stuff, and, most of all, the residual effects of the Saturday practice, where the three of my choir peeps were so upset, and the bleak thoughts of SYF... combined together (which of cos, means the usual unavoidable Monday-migraines) was depressing, to say the least. I perked up a little when Val walked by me after my lit lect, poked me, and waved a cheerful hello... Goodness, I was so glad that she's fine... And that my 2 other SLs were fine too. Then of course there's the nice thank-you note from Shell (goodness, what would I have done without her?) and a concerned word from my lit teacher Miss Tan (yep... she's one cool teacher all right) which made things a little better. But what really sent the depressing mood scrambling off was choir prac at the end of the day... the choir was, in general, in a pretty good mood... perked me up somewhat... and the the songs--the pitch, the tone, the mood, the tempo... goodness, it was all more-or-less there, and it sounded good. I was all cheery after prac liao, hop-skip-a-jumping, despite the pounding migraine, which had by then eased a little. My hopes, then, for SYF, was lifted a little...

... only to be quite crushed by today's prac. Miss Ong was saying our choir is actually okay, that we are quite capable of making great leaps and bounds of improvement, but whether we remain at that particular standard after the improvement, and move on from there, is not something we can quite accomplish yet. She is so painfully right. *Sigh* I started out cheery this morning, only to be plunged into anxiety and uncertainty now. So our choir how? How can we even make it? I don't want a COP or a bronze... simply maintaining a silver, after all the effort, seems awfully painful as well. Is that all we can go? Is that all we can do? I don't want that, I want... something else.

And even if we perform our current best? It is not enough, not enough at all. We come right after ACJ choir, dammit, the gold-choir cum shoo-in-for-finals cum Best Junior College Choir of the Year 2001. And right before TJ choir, the super good technique choir. (Sounds familiar... must have repeated that like a million times liao... not that it changes the fact, anyway) We'll have to be better than the best if we want to get anything decent... *wails to self* It isn't fair... it just isn't.

Can imagine how devastated I'll be on competition day... oh no... *Buries head in hands* Sigh. Breaking down to cry will be a good idea, huh? Stress-relieving technique, though not exactly practical... jeez, I can't even make myself cry, I'm just... hmmm... not used to it. And, hey, I'm not that depressed... yet. Think I'm a lot luckier in lots of ways than a lotta people I know... why shouldn't I take a little stress in my stride, right? Am already tremendously gratified that there's a really great bunch of choir peeps and friends making life so much more delightful... not to mention a really cool committee... =) And all my ever dearest SN friends, who are just a phone call away =P Heya peeps, whether you are ever gonna read this or not, here's a huge thank you to all of you... and a big ((((((HUG)))))))! Hmm. Yup, should be all for now... just need to get it off my system... some form of catharsis to relieve stress... at least it's better than going around black-facing people right? *grinz* Yah Lar... so hey... to all you fellow choir peeps reading this... good luck for your SYF, yah? And take care!

~ written 29/4/03

Staccato (Part #1 of the SYF trilogy =P)

You've all been through a lot this week. Uh-huh... can't imagine how absolutely right my conductor is. Nowadays everything's been overwhelmingly choir, choir, choir... not that I resent it. It's terribly draining, but it has brought all of us together, somehow... And nothing can be quite too much to exchange for this one precious bond between people.

So much happened today... Guess it comes from the built up of stress already present in preparation for SYF. Evening-to-night pracs almost everyday, increasing workload, and, for some, family matters, have all taken its toll... Sigh.

Today choir combined didn't start out exactly well... latent tension already present... think it came from the sectionals for year ones before that. And all the hectic days before that, as well. Hai~ Gt was obviously very upset... went off with Tr during sectionals, then when they didn't return I went to look for them... Since the day Jes told her the whole alto section could see that the sops were supported only by a certain few people and that without us, the section would really collapse, she had been pretty affected. Especially with the attitude some of the people have been giving her--saying they got something on and thus not coming for the extra pracs that she put effort in to come to teach them, chattering away and not paying attention during sectionals, and, all in all, not giving enough respect. *Sigh* She really is a very sweet n dedicated SL lor... she was saying she doesn't ever want to see the day sop collapses, without the main 'loud' ones singing... And people so often take her for granted... not putting in the amount of effort she constantly puts in, not appreciating her enough... and who bears the brunt of it when the section sings wrongly? So there we were, the whole sectionals period, using up one-and-a-half packs of tissue with Tr and me trying to cheer her up. Felt so terrible for her...

Loads of factors behind the incident lar, though this was mainly what triggered her off... Tr was crying with her before I came, which is so like the sweet sympathetic girl we know.. Guess the good thing that came out of it was that Gt felt better after that... I'm glad we at least could take the burden off her a little.

Was contemplating if I should speak to the sops, or to the choir as a whole after that. Was quite affected, and determined not to have the section upset their poor SL anymore, but, odd as it turned out to be, I didn't have to. After combined Miss Ong spoke to all of us, telling the choir that there's bound to be disputes, that we've got to listen to and respect our SLs, no matter who we are, no matter what post we hold, that SLs are human, and do make mistakes at times, but we mustn't always blame them, but oughta help them out instead... that misunderstandings and unhappiness do occur when a large group of people work together for long periods of time... that sometimes we've got to learn to have things out in the open, and thereafter forgive and forget time, to let things be... Oh, a lot, a lot of things. Things that I've wanted to say, but couldn't string into proper expressions... and loads more. And at intervals I turned back to glance at Gt, eyebrows raised--Sheesh, she's telepathic, huh? to which she'll simply shrug. She was pretty startled too.

Turns out that Miss Ong wasn't all that telepathic... apparently altos have some... issues of their own too. Throughout combined all the alto year twos were black-faced... very obvious... and Miss Ong just took a shot in the dark... and happened to hit the nail on the head... for both the altos... and ironically, the sops. What's even more of a dramatic irony was that she was saying "Last year it was the GUYS who had a big problem... now it's the altos. Thank goodness the sops are still okay... *pause, then added on as an afterthought* so far. Please ar, sops, stay peaceful, okay?" Peng si. I was blinking and going huh? ERM~! in my head, but well. The rest of the sop section ARE blissfully ignorant of their SL's inner turmoil... it's not like they were intentionally being mean... it's more like an unconscious thing. Yeowch. Painful thought.

It's quite bad lar, alto side... dispute between SL and fellow year two alto... mini blow up over a small matter, mainly because both parties were really very stressed up then and weren't quite themselves (the general alto's usual mode would be full of juicy news, good-natured teasing and madness). Plus Cl isn't the kinda SL who keeps all her emotions hidden underneath... hence the whole altos' affected. The altos year twos are a really close bunch of people ever since after concert last year (long long story...) so whatever goes on will result in an immediate chain effect. Not that sops aren't so close, but that's another story... can't go into fine details now.

Yar... apparently Miss Ong's speech struck a chord... the two of them broke down one after the other... went over, sat with them and spoke to them... goodness... I nearly cried myself can, I felt so terrible for all of them--it's just one thing after another, with SYF looming threateningly at us above all the usual school-and-family probs. But it was okay after a while lar... Miss Ong spoke to them again, told us a couple of stuff, then got us to clear out of the LT cos the security guard was coming to lock up (yes, anti-climax... to which I told her the uncle had already popped his head in, saw the solemn scene, looked absolutely startled and withdrew immediately... Haha... it was almost comical lor...) By then the atmosphere lightened a lot liao... and after a while everyone recovered, more or less. Fifteen minutes later when Miss Ong found twelve of us sops and altos grouped right smack in the middle of the corridor and asked almost suspiciously what exactly is wrong with us again, we were huddled over a form discussing seating arrangements for prom night. Hahaha... and the crazy thing was, as Miss Ong pointed out in amusement, we were right under a sign that went "Attention: This is not an interaction area. Please do not crowd up the corridor and cause unnecessary jams" or something to that effect. *grinz* We really didn't realise it... Must have looked like illiterate freaks but bah... no one reads the sign anyway. It was just strangely amusing. =P

Yup. Made our way down to the bus stops in our big group, reverting back, somewhat, to a comfortable, noisy routine. And halfway down, amongst the container blocks, I stopped to remove the choir posters from a nearby wall, merrily plucking out remaining blue tags other ccas left behind, earning a few stares from the group, and a "Wah Charm... this kinda blue tag you also want ar?" to which I responded defensively "What? The other ccas left them behind lor... they didn't even want it... and the blue tag can be recycled for the choir board... haha... I learnt from XY one..."

Thereafter nearly all ten of them turned towards the nearest wall and plucked out stray blue tags from it, almost simultaneously... Hahaha... quite a shocking sight... and immensely comical too... I was like going "don't be so obvious lar~! You know what we all look like or not?" for the sake of not 'throwing face' before the random people who pass by the same area. By the time we reached the school gate I've got a big ball of blue tag-- just about twice the amount of the usual new strips of blue tags you usually buy-- for the choir board, and we were pretty amused liao. Haha... get to save money while helping to clear up the school walls from ugly stray blue tags that people are not even considerate enough to clear when they keep their posters... Quite funny...

All's well that ends well, I guess. Stress and disputes and moments of unhappiness are unavoidable, especially when people have to work together intensively for long periods of time, but it's these kind of incidents that bond people closer together, and silly instances like the blue-tag case that prove how crazily well we can work together, without even thinking of or needing to request for help, the instant rapport... it's absurd, it's spontaneous, and, somehow, it's shows the natural cohesion between people. Yes, a silly little act like that does hold a lot of significance for me... as does sharing and coming into contact with the pressure and unhappiness that arose today (Or should I say, have been lurking about till today...?)

I've learnt a few things today, realised a few things, and felt a lot. Especially in terms of having the friends, the committee I have in choir... Goodness, where would I have been without them? Meanwhile, I still have no idea what will happen, am still worrying for the choir, am still anxious for my fellow choir people, but well, as the saying goes, one step at a time... take things as they come. Sway... performing after AC, Best JC Choir Year 2001 and before TJ, the super good technique choir. Sigh. Dunno how we are gonna make it thru, but I really do hope it will all be all right, that, somehow or other, we won't get COP or bronze. Really really do hope. At least a silver, but maybe, just maybe, a Gold. *prays hard* I really do hope... not just for myself, but for the people who worked so hard, for the effort put in, for our hopes and our dreams, for our dear conductor, for our teachers-in-charge, for our parents, worrying about SARS and fetching us home at night, for the school, who, I believe, has yet to see a gold for any of the ccas. For our future batch, to get a better intake for choir and establish a more solid base... for the greater probabilty of more external concerts for the choir. *sigh* Really do hope it will all be fine...

~ written 26/4/2003