Heart aches
when I sense
that wealth of pent-up sadness that lies underneath what seemed so
pretty
and polished
and noisy
and happening

and alive.




Alive?





I think once upon a time the feeling would have been called bereft. Would that be an apt word, that of loss? But how do you understand loss when you don't understand what it is that you have lost? Is it a realisation that you've never had it in the first place, that it has only existed in your idealistic imagination all this while?

*shudder*

I hadn't thought of what I was saying when the words tumbled out in keyboard-taps. And now that subconscious thoughts are crytalised into words, staring back at me, I almost fear that...

No.

But you do understand that this is gonna apply to more than one person, you, who are reading this piece, and wondering. How I wish ever so often that I had the right words or means of comfort to offer, or to be able to cast spells that makes one "magically happy", a virtual (unreal!) service that Facebook had ingeniously offered.

I do remember an awful awful stretch of ---ness (for lack of a better word), then. But you all!

I don't know how to make things better, or what to say, even, but if it helps in any way, I'm here.

And things do fall into place. Or we, adaptable human beings that we are, will ourselves fall into place, in time. And I suppose this would be sufficient, at least for now, at least until the next time around.

Post-Semis

Love my Reso folks to bits =)

And Davina's right-- (and I'm taking extreme liberties to paraphrase here) -- Go out there and aim to do better than yourselves, not others. There's no longer an "other group" to beat on Monday night--it's a matter of beating your own personal best, and coming out tops above yourself. Which'll make every one of you winners in your own right =)

I do believe that a genuine personal best from our teams is not one that's easily trumped, though... nor one that could be sufficiently represented by a weighted metal cup, either. Perhaps it's just an opinion coloured by my own attachment to Reso, but hey. To see them in their element, nailing those way-cool arrangements with such depth of feeling, is deeply fulfilling, somehow. Because it carries so much meaning and so much feeling along with it-- every person, every effort, every experience... and the easy willingness in which fellow Reso-family members (to borrow a Jiayan-phrase) turn up to support =)

I think it meant as much to them as it did to us last year, seeing the Reso folks out there in the audience, shrieking like nuts when they walked onstage, haha.

Still caught up in the aca-champs fervour, in a humming, excitable, buzzing, chirpy way =) Along with a subdued kind of nostalgic wistfulness, and a pleasant fuzzy warmth.

And what do you know, this year it's a two-parter, and MONDAY'S THE DAY!

Catch the A Cappella Championships FINALS, this Monday 7pm, Esplanade Recital Studio (do you think they'll let us take pictures or scream hysterically?) But never mind, plenty of time after the competition to do that. My camera's charged and ready to shoot!

So do come, whoever you may be, because it's probably gonna be really, really good =)

GO ResoSpuffs!

Say WHAT?

ROUND 0 STARTED AND ENDED AND I DIDN'T KNOW! *STOMPS FOOT* WHY DID NUS MAIL MAINTAIN A STOIC SILENCE WHEN I CHECKED IT THE PAST TWO WEEKS, AND ONLY ASKED US TO CHECK CORS WEBSITE ON THE DAY OF ROUND 0 ITSELF?

*peeved* I'm busy doing work okay, and don't have the habit of checking NUS mail when all they deliver during the hols is spam and surveys and information I never use... important reminders like that should be sent one week in advance at least, right?

Now I have no idea what modules I got, and must wait till Monday to find out. And thus the flustered bidding process begins during my last week of work, when I already have ten thousand things to rush, thank you very much. *glares scathingly at chirpy orange-and-beige CORS website*

Can you imagine, I'll have never known about bidding until school starts, or something, if I didn't read Siyi's blog. No whiff of news whatsoever, no "Do you know next week bidding starts already?" this semester. This is very scary. It's an erroneous way of helping heart surgeons and funeral parlours earn money, okay.

Plus besides being a hardworking intern delivering a fairly decent image of NUS to external beings, I spend two days a week singing about The Bright Golden Days Recalled and proclaiming that NUS lives Forever More, so the least you could do is to drop your faithful student a friendly reminder one month or one week before CORS begins. You know, something simple, like, "Dear Student, module bidding begins soon! Check the CORS website! Have fun at work!"

=(

So how were you guys informed, really?

Oh man, school starts soon.

I can so imagine everything coming higgedy piggedy together. There's just two weeks left to internship, of which I've gotta make sure everything's in order, and in the midst of that are certain family commitments, Harry Potter this Saturday, a cappella championship semifinals next week, VnH concert, aca champs finals, Freshman Inauguration Ceremony performance, and... school reopens: to FOUR lit modules, one elective, pracs and (possibly) a part-time job.

Oh man. I still have to pay the lit department and the co-op a pre-open-school visit to make sure I don't die out in mid sem.

One more breadth/elective module left to decide for! Who wants to take a-something together? Let me know before round 0, okay?

Commencement 2007

Last Saturday and Sunday I went for two commencements: Maria's, and my Lit buddies' =)


With SC's first graduate Maria! Who was our absolute star that day, and wasn't allowed to stop smiling because we all wanted individual pictures with her =P *sobs* Our dear girl all grown up now... *scuttles off before Maria comes to whack me*

Okay, with the grand 四方帽 this time! (what's it called in English, actually?)



With the SC girls who were able to come down, including our long-time-no-see Miss President Jeslyn, who said of course she'll be there for every important occasion of ours, including grad ceremonies, marriages and births =) So we've got a ready-made VIP group for all future big events (All right girls, take that down and don't forget!)


Oh, and we caught Eunice Olsen with her cloak and hat close up when the profs were released from the hall and were making their way up, and she actually looked over and smiled straight at us. Very sweet =) On a more frivolous note-- she looks really nice in the red Harry-Potter style cloak lar, as does most of the profs we saw. Which was quite an incentive, really-- I asked Phyllis if you could graduate with that funky round hat if you studied up to Masters, but apparently you'll get it only when you work up to PHD. Bummer. I always wondered how it feels like to wear one, but I really don't think people go into academia for the attire *grins*

And here we announce our presence:



Huge "I WAS HERE" sign, right outside the UCC. (I like this picture! We look so happy and so... carefree.) The sign got meaning one, okay. I for Identity, WAS for Presence, and Here for Place, just so we wouldn't forget...

But who could ever forget people and experiences and places so precious? We were here, are here, and will always be here... in memory and in spirit, if not physically. And that's always a comfort to know =)

So that was Saturday with Maria and the SC peeps. Sunday's commencement was for my Lit buddies!


Kopped from Alicia, because hers looked much nicer =P So we finally finally finally finally finally(!) got a decent picture together after three years of lit classes (Okay, maybe one-and-a-half? two? Since we hardly knew one another in year one...)

Which is why we should take lots more pics together!



With Eileen...


With Yuanting...


And Alicia!


Oh, and I managed to catch Liyan too! I didn't know she was graduating this year, but I was really glad I managed to catch her~



It feels kind of surreal somehow,attending your friends' grad ceremony, and getting caught up in this super high cheery happy occasion. I'm really grateful, though, for all my friends' abilities to make me feel less left out than I had semi-expected to feel, so there was pretty much good vibes throughout both days, without so much a reminder of being one of the few staying on, still...

So thanks, girls, for the memories-- all the arts-and-business-canteen days, the moping over assignments, the intellectual discussions, the overnight company over MSN for essay deadline nights, the whining one another's ears off, the laughter and conversations and all the random quirky moments, and--most importantly--for being there, and being you =)

The close of one chapter, perhaps, but certainly not the end of the tale =) We've got to meet up and catch up every once in a while k?

And because I like this picture I shall let it round off the entry...


Stay in touch k!

Misc Stuff

So elections passed without event, like I was telling fellow intern KK the next day-- the most exciting discovery that night was how good the cheese tarts (an impulse decision, incidentally) really tasted.

Not that the event was particularly dull, mind you. There's still a lot of leftover food-for-thought for the brain to digest, and sitting there listening to Charm-junior pointing out a certain few defects in the Reso system was one major ouch moment, because what do you know, we've been through this before, and... *wrings hands in exasperation* after squares two, three and four, we're back to square one, again.

I think now would be an appropriate moment to wail "Does no one read all the Reso evaluation minutes?!" where such issues have been discussed to bits, but then no common person would be free enough to browse archived meeting records, so. It remains very tempting to wail like a banshee, of course, over all sorts of things, but one must preserve one's image (and discretion!) on a public site, so this is about as far as I can write, with regards to this issue, as of now. A blog is after all a very secondary means of translating information =)

There's so much stuff to write about! Work's been busy too, and then there's the BBQ over at big boss's place, and there's oh, commencement, which is yet another crammed-full-of-thoughts event... I really oughta get myself organised, and write them properly, but the thought that I've got unfinished work still flits through the back of my head like some unappeased spirit, so I still don't feel absolutely at ease, or in the mood for any thorough, proper kind of reflective entry. Grah, spoiler =(

(I think I've been writing so many short sentences at work that I'm sorely in need of compensating myself with unnecessarily long unwieldy sentences that absolutely must exceed ten words, at least...)

Okay time's up for tonight! Tomorrow's a long day, and there is oh-so-much work to do, and I can't OT when I've got to be on time for prac. It's just one more week to presentation for NUS Forever (goodness.) Howwww? I think Kaykey and I will whine each other's ears off again tomorrow, haha. This week has been madness.

Till the next time, folks!

Where's it @, again?

Going through a directory of emails can have its quirks, once in a long while.

Here's the longest-ever domain name I've ever encountered. Read it aloud!

info@antichisaporidelgolfodinapoli.it

Really now. I do wonder if they actually receive half their emails.

This is crazy, I know, but lit fac offers EN5252: Movies, Spectatorship and Subjectivity at masters level, and Dr Ang did say that we could email and request to take level 5000 if we really want to...

And I'm sorely tempted.

Topics in Eighteenth Century's exam is on 6 December, can. And Research Workshop is at 9am on a Monday morning. How unkind =(

Of course, there's always Shakespeare and Film, the cross-listed Theatre Studies module, which sounds so fun (and tough, hmm) so I daren't take unless Sharon takes it, too...

And as if you hadn't heard me whine about the same thing before, I'm missing my lit-clique again, sigheee.

Must decide again, perhaps tomorrow, or anytime after I've drawn out my 10 different alternatives and checked stuff out with my UE/breadth folks... So... What are you guys taking?

---

Update 11.09pm: CRAPS. I just realised I must take FOUR lit modules this sem, not three! (Will taking a level 3000 compensate for the level 5000, or is it just safer to take all 4000s?)