Um, another entry, just so because I'm bored. Stoned with too much essay writing. How come it takes so long to finish a five page essay? Aw well. One down, one more to go. And one term paper. *cries* I don't see the semiotics... how how how?

I shouldn't be so whiny about things, but I get positively panicky when I realise I'm not quite there yet, there being average or above average. TS makes me panic quite a fair bit, because I'm so often not comfortable when I feel like I'm being observed and evaluated--yah, I'm so self-conscious I get on my own nerves--and acting, directing and understanding the nuances demands so much sometimes! It's not just "getting into character", it's more like you've spent your life living within the character and understanding what drives the character to act the way he does--every angle, every move, every touch... It's almost like psychology in action, and deeper... your analysis and performance has to plunge into the whole socio-history background and let it shine through your subtext and movement. *cries* It's harder than Lit!

Aiyah. My mum just laughed and told me that I'm so content being myself and being blissfully unaware of all the tensions swirling around me and automatically switching off my feelings when I choose not to see certain things that it's quite an impossible feat. Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.

*sigh* But when I took TS I promised myself that I will take up the challenge. And that it's supposed to help me in some way. Okay, Charm will work harder and try to erase her awful self-consciousness. And be a lot more spontaneous. And act less stunned and look less sheepish.

Help.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Let's move on.

The weather these days is too hot for comfort. It's so hot that my air-con decided to bail out on me when I attempted to switch it on during a particularly hot afternoon, and it has refused to blow out any cool air since then. TOO HOT! *flops over and dies* The grass is brown and the trees are burning up... why can't it rain rain rain? Just a nice, long, cold rainy day to wash the air clean and to dampen the forests. Then I won't have to face the torture of taking the non-aircon 151 end to end on hot stuffy afternoons.

I guess the only thing I do appreciate about this weather is that the bougainvilla plants everywhere having been flourishing under the hot sun. Lovely bushes of pink and white and red flowering profusely. Oooooh I love them at this stage.

Nothing else interesting to blog, am heartily tired of sitting before the comp, have been doing so for the past three days for hours on end just to churn out one essay. My butt feels like it has been flattened out =( Too much sitting around.

To save everyone the torture of more whining moaning and groaning I shall blog another time =)